The New Busboy
by waytotheend
Summary: When Justin was 17, he left Pittsburgh with his boyfriend and they moved to Seattle. Now he's 21 and once his relationship ends, decides to go back to his hometown.
1. Only of You

_This story is completed and it has 13 parts.

* * *

_

_**The first time I caught a glimpse of you, then all my thoughts were only of you. I hope that when the time goes by, you will think the same about me.**_

"So, Babylon tonight?" I vaguely hear Ted ask.  
"No. I and Ben have a dinner at home tonight".  
I look up at Michael and smirk. "Everyday more Stepford Fag, Mickey?".  
"Fuck off, Brian".

Emmett and Ted just shake their heads and I look down at my coffee once again, trying to understand why I'm such an asshole.

I hear Mickey say "Hunter is bringing home his new girlfriend", when the bell over the door rings and I don't know why but I look up to see the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I can't tear my eyes off of him as he simply walks past us without even looking at me. That's a first for me.

I'm about to turn away before someone could see Brian Kinney staring at some blond twink, or at least I'm trying to look away, when he goes behind the counter and grab an apron.

Does he work here? When the fuck…

"Sunshine!" Deb's scream tears me away from my thoughts and I see the guy smiling and fuck… _that's_ the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

"Deb! Sorry I'm late" he tells her while Deb hugs him.  
"Oh don't worry Honey".  
Debbie let go off him but just for a couple of seconds before grabbing his hand and pull him towards us. Fuck.

I quickly turn back at staring my cup of coffee while I hear Deb tells to the kid "Mickey's here".  
"Oh, so I'll finally get to meet him" he sounds truly excited.

And in a second they're at our table and I look at Emmett who's practically drooling on his pancakes.  
"Guys that's Sunshine and Sunshine, there are Emmett, Ted, Brian and Michael!".  
He gives a slight smile to all us except Michael. He truly smiles at him and I can see why Debbie calls him Sunshine.

"I've heard so much about you" he tells Mickey who shoves Emmett away so he can stand up and hug 'Sunshine'.  
"Me too. Ma's always telling me Sunshine did this and Sunshine did that. I wasn't even sure if you were real or just the perfect son that Ma would love to have".

I'm lost. What the fuck's going on?

The boy laughs and shakes his head. "I'm real and I'm here. Right back at Home".  
"To the great Seattle and back" Mickey says.  
"Well, it's good to have him back".  
"Just because I came back to work here, Deb" he says with a smile and she kisses him on the cheek.  
"Always too smart for your own good" and then she goes back to work.  
"Do you have a name, Sunshine?".  
"He's Justin" Mickey says smiling at Ted.

I'll say it again. What the fuck?  
"I'd better get to work".  
"Oh sit with us" Emmett says excited.  
"I can't now".  
"Why don't you come to Babylon tonight?" Ted asks.  
Justin shakes his head. "It's not my kind of place".  
I look at him curiously. "And which is your kind of place?".

For the first time we look at each other in the eyes. He has this amazingly blue sparkling eyes. He's just so fucking beautiful.  
"One where there aren't men fucking nameless tricks" he answers me.  
I raise an eyebrow.  
"Oh someone hot that isn't into random sex" Ted says and blushes when he's aware of what he said.  
Justin turns to look at him before saying "I'm not. I don't fuck around".  
"Then maybe you could come home and have dinner with me and Ben. Hunter, he's…".  
"Oh Deb told me about him" he says smiling. "It was nice of you to help him. And I can't wait to meet Ben, but Debbie told me that if I wanted the job, I had to have dinner with her and Vic tonight".  
"Well, then why don't you come with me and Ben tomorrow at Woody's. We could have a beer".  
"Ok. Now I really have to go back to work. It was nice to meet you guys" he says right before leave.

We all look at Michael while he's sitting down once again.  
"What?".  
"Who's that guy?" Ted asks.  
"He's Justin".  
"We caught that".  
"Oh you want to know who is he? He's one of Ma's lost boys. Just like all of you. And the other gays of this city, but anyway. When he was 15, his dad kicked him out and he went to live with a guy. I think that he was the reason why he was kicked out because his parents didn't know that he was gay but that guy one day went to pick him up at school and everyone saw them kissing and his dad kicked him out so he went to live with this guy and he met Ma one day and she offered him to work here but his boyfriend didn't let him do it because he said that Justin had to finish high school and go to College and don't waste his time in a Diner. His parents didn't bother to look around to know if he was still alive at least, so when he turned 17, he left with his boyfriend and went to Seattle. He graduated from College a couple of months ago and last week he came back here and Ma gave him this job".  
"And what happened to the boyfriend?" Emmett asks.  
"Justin left him. Ma told me at Christmas something like "That asshole hurt my Sunshine. He fucking went to fuck around while my poor baby was at home from the hospital". And I think that that's the reason why he doesn't want to go to Babylon or have random sex".

"Wow. Some story" Ted says.  
"Why was him at the hospital?" I ask.  
"He was in a car accident with his best friends. One of them died in the accident and Justin was in coma for a week but when he woke up he was ok".  
"What happened to the other friend?" Emmett asks.  
"Nothing. A car hit their car on the left side where their friend that died was sitting and Justin was right behind him so he got caught too but not too badly but the other guy was driving so he was on the other side and just got some bruises".  
"Poor boy. Finding out that your boyfriend is cheating on you when one of your best friends just died, it's awful".  
"Yeah but Justin is strong. He left the bastard and completed his last year in the College and now he's back at home on his own. He's one of the strongest person that I know even if I didn't really have the chance to meet him 'till now".

I turn around to look at Justin. He's talking with one of the customers sitting at the counter and has a little smile on his face that doesn't reach his eyes. I stare at him for a couple of seconds too long and when he looks up, our eyes lock and he quickly turns away.


	2. Dry Ice

_Keep dreaming of him. I'll send a letter to that boy asking him to be my own  
_**  
****JUSTIN P.O.V.**_  
_It was strange in the beginning, to be back here. I didn't have anyone but Debbie in Pittsburgh, and I've thought about being back one day but when Seth did… well… what he did, this was the only place where I knew I'd be ok. It was absurd, but I thought that home was the best place to make a new start. When I left, I was barely seventeen, and I didn't have any friends except Debbie, so when I bought the ticket to come back here, I did it because I knew that no one knew who I was. It was a nice thought. So here I am, once again. Twenty one years old, and alone. Fuck.

It's been almost a month since I moved back to Pittsburgh and thanks to Deb, it's not as strange as it was in the beginning and the afternoon spent with Michael at his comics shop and the job at the Diner, helped me to feel great in a small amount of time.

I glance at the clock. My last shift is almost over. Sighing I come back to clean the counter and when I look up, Brian is sitting on the stool in front of me. I take a deep breath ready for what I know is coming.  
"Hey there Sunshine".  
"Stop it, Brian".  
"Your always nice to everyone but me. How is that?" he asks smirking.  
Fuck. I can't stand him.  
"Because I can't stand you".  
"That's a rude thing to say".  
"I told you before, I'm not interested".  
"And I told you that you were but…".  
"I didn't know it. Yeah I know" I tell him rolling my eyes.  
I turn my back to him, trying to ignore him but just like always, he doesn't seem to care if I want to talk to him or not.  
"You should be more friendly".  
"Not with you".  
"Why?".  
"Because you want to fuck me and I don't want to fuck you. So we can't be friends".  
"That's great because I don't fuck friends".  
"You're an asshole, I did tell you that, didn't I?" I say turning around to face him. "You're hot when you're angry" he answers, ignoring my question.  
"Then you must think that I'm always hot since I'm always angry with you around".  
"My point exactly. You're hot".  
"Brian, look, it was nice to have some good looking guy thinking that I was hot at the beginning, but please, leave me alone. After two weeks, I don't like it anymore".  
"No can do, Sunshine. I want you".  
"Go to Babylon and find some nice ass to fuck. Mine isn't available".  
"To me or in general?".  
"To everyone".  
"It's a shame. You have a great ass".  
"Brian…".  
"I know, "leave me alone, Brian. It's not funny". I'll have a cup of coffee then".  
I sigh and turn to grab the coffee pot to fill his cup. He's been doing this shit everyday for the last two weeks.  
"When are you going to stop with this stupid thing?".  
"When I have you naked and moaning in my bed".  
"I'm going to start ignoring you from now on".  
"Whatever you like, Sunshine".  
"Could you please call me Justin if you have to talk to me?".  
"I like Sunshine better".  
"I don't like it".  
"You like it when is Deb using it".  
"That's because I like Deb but kind of hate you".  
Brian put his elbow on the counter and rest his chin on his palm. "You know, if you weren't as hot as you are, I'll just tell you to fuck off because you're a rude little shit, but since you're hot, I'll forgive you".  
"Just go away" I tell him and look at clock.  
Thank God my shift is over. I take away my apron and grab my jacket and my bag from under the counter and look at Brian. "You can stay. I'll go".  
"See you tomorrow, Sunshine".  
"Fuck you Brian" I answer him before going out of the diner.

He's such an asshole.  
The first time I met him, I thought that he was hot, than he asked me if places like Babylon weren't my kind of places, which ones were and when I told him that I don't like random sex, he just gave me this look like if I was crazy. That's the exact moment when I decided that I didn't like him one bit but he doesn't want to understand this. He keeps on hitting on me. Well, fuck him. I'm not going to fuck an asshole like him.

The first time that he tried to hit on me, was two days after I was working at the Diner.  
I was outside dumping the garbage and it was late so I guessed that him and the guys were at Babylon, and he came behind me and said "_Hey there Sunshine_" and I jumped because he scared the shit out of me and the asshole started to laugh.  
So I told him to fuck off and he came close to me and said "_What about me fucking you?_" and I pushed him away and he looked at me smirking.  
And he didn't stop one day after that time. And I just can't stand him. There are times when I'd love to punch him in the face.

I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket so I take it out and see that it's Dean calling.  
"Hey Bitch".  
"What a nice way to answer your phone baby".  
I laugh. "To what do I owe the honor of this call?".  
"I'll be in town on Monday. I'm going to stay with you".  
"Hey Jus, can I ask you to stay at your place while I'm in town?" I say imitating his voice and Dean starts to laugh.  
"You're always so funny".  
"I know. So, thanks for being so polite to ask me about staying at my place. I'd be happy to have you for a couple of days".  
"Actually…".  
I sigh. "What happened this time with Jason that you have to come all the way over here?".  
"He said that he was tired of having an open relationship".  
"I'm with him on this one, Dean".  
"Yeah I know what you think about this kind of thing but he knows who I am, and when we got together, he knew it, I haven't changed so…".  
"And why do you have to come here?".  
"Because he wants time to think and I don't have any other place to stay".  
"Ok you can stay with me but you're going to find a job".  
"I'm rich".  
"Whatever".  
"Hey, is Brian still trying to fuck you?".  
"Yep".  
"And you…".  
"You know what I think. He's just like you, so I don't want to be anywhere near him".  
"Well, thanks a lot asshole".  
"Hey, you didn't try to fuck me, we can be friends, but with him it's different".  
"Yeah but I fucked you a couple of times when you and Seth broke up".  
"I was drunk and so were you".  
"Yeah but still. You're kind of hot baby, you can't expect that someone like me doesn't want to fuck with you. Did you take a look at your ass?".  
"I can't believe that I'm talking with you about this. Just let me know when you're coming and I'll come and pick you up at the airport. Now I'll go to bed and sleep".  
"It's just 11pm".  
"Yeah and I'm tired so I'm going to bed".  
"Ok. I'll call you tomorrow".  
"Night".  
I hang up and grab the keys in my pocket to open the door to my apartment. It's not far from the Diner and it's a nice place. Maybe it isn't big but I like it and I have a little study with a perfect light to paint and a great bedroom. When I'll find Mr. Right, it'd be great to live here. I sigh at that thought. Maybe it's true that there's no such thing as love.

**BRIAN P.O.V.**  
"So?" Emmett asks me.  
"He said that he hates me" I answer him without looking up from my beer.  
Michael laughs. "I can totally see why. C'mon Brian. He said that he doesn't like random sex and you don't do boyfriends, dates, love, relationships, and all that stuff. You'll never be what he wants. You should just forget about all of this".  
"He's hot and I want him" I tell him and I know that I must sound like some kid that wants a new toy, but I can't fucking help it.  
"I think that it's because he doesn't want you that you can't leave him alone".  
"Thanks Prof" I say to Ben.  
I take a sip of my beer and look around to find someone to fuck. We should have gone straight to Babylon and not stop at Woody's.  
"He's not going to give in, Brian" Michael says. "Not after what happened to him. I don't think that he trusts men all that much. I think that you should back off".  
"Nope".  
"He's going to hate you" Ted says.  
"He already hates me".  
"Then leave him alone".  
"No Theodore. I'm going to have him".  
"And then what, Brian? You'll fuck him and kick him out right after you had your orgasm and that's not what he needs and that's not what he deserves. If you're not willing to change your fucked up lifestyle, then you shouldn't try to have him. He's not some nameless trick from the backroom. He's a great man, and you know him".  
"Barely, Mickey".  
"It doesn't matter. Just leave him alone".

Fuck. That's the tenth time that I have to hear this story of how great Justin is and how he doesn't deserve what I want to do to him, and I'm tired of this shit but I'm not going to stop trying to have him. I want him and I'll have him. End of the story. It's not like I'm going to kill him. I just want to fuck him.  
"I'm going home".  
"We just got here" Emmett says.  
"Doesn't matter" I tell him and then grab my jacket and head outside Woody's. There are times when thinking of Justin, just kills the mood and I don't want to fuck anymore. It's just so fucked up. One day I was fine and then he had to come back from fucking Seattle and now every time I try to fuck, I keep on seeing his face with those delicious lips. Fuck. And the worst thing it's that every one thinks to have the right to say something.

I don't understand why the fact that I want to fuck Justin is any of their business. It's just bad enough that every time I want to talk to him, he's pissed at me, I don't need my friends telling me how good it is that Justin doesn't want me. Fuck 'em all.

**JUSTIN P.O.V.**  
When I open the door to the Diner on Sunday, I immediately see Brian sitting at his usual stool at the counter, reading the newspaper. I take a deep breath and head his way.  
"Hey there Sunshine".  
"You could find a new way to greet me" I say while I grab my apron from under the counter and tie it around my waist.  
He looks up from the newspaper and smiles at me. "It's a good way and anyway, didn't you tell me just yesterday that you would just ignore me?".  
"Whatever. It's just that it's boring after three weeks".  
"I'll think of something else".  
"Great. What can I get you?".  
"Just a coffee".  
I turn up his cup and fill it.  
He's awkwardly quiet this morning, but fuck if I'm going to say anything.  
"How was your week end, Sunshine?".  
"Boring. You were the last person I saw yesterday".  
"That's because you never go out".  
"I go out when I want to go out and I work in a public place, you know".  
"If you say so".  
Ah. I knew it. He isn't capable to go for more than five minutes without being on my nerves.  
"Leave me alone" I tell him for the millionth time.  
"Don't you have table to clean?" he asks me. "You can go and just pretend like I'm not here".  
I ignore him after that and start to clean the vacant booths.

After a while, Michael, Ben, Ted and Emmett come to have breakfast but even after they sit in one of the booths, Brian doesn't move form his stool at the counter.  
"Hey boys".  
"Hey Justin" Michael says smiling. I really like him. Deb always told me how great he was, but now that I've actually met him, I really like him. He's a great friend.  
"Got plans for today?" Emmett asks me.  
"Nope".  
"Why don't you come for dinner tonight? Then we could go somewhere" Michael says.  
"You know that I don't like…".  
"What about you come with us to Babylon and dance with me or Ben?".  
"I can use some dancing".  
"Then come have dinner at Deb's and then we'll go to Babylon together. I have a class tomorrow so we're not going to be out late" Ben says and I smile at him. He's a great guy.  
"Ok".  
"Great" Emmett says clapping his hands. "You have to dance with me".  
I laugh. "Ok, Em".  
"Then you can leave me all the men that will come to drool all over your hot and young body".  
"Sure".  
When I leave their booth to take their orders to the kitchen and then go behind the counters to take the coffee, Brian looks at me.  
"What now?".  
"So, if I ask you to go out to Babylon, you say no, but if it's one of them you say yes".  
"Yeah" I simply say.  
"That's because they don't want to fuck you?".  
"Yep".  
"Well, I'm sure that Emmett won't mind a bit if you fuck him and the same goes for Ted. You know, I'm not the only one that wants to fuck the shit out of you".  
"You always say the nicest things" I tell him sarcastically.  
"Can't help it. You bring the best out of me".  
I bend over the counter so I can talk with a low tone. "The difference between them and you, it's that maybe they think that I'm hot but they respect me enough to think of me as their friend and not some piece of great ass. That's why I go out with them but I'll never go out with you".  
"Never say never, Sunshine".  
"Think what you want. I don't care".  
"The point is that I want to fuck you and I can fuck you because I'm hot. They're not hot enough to have you so they can have your friendship".  
"More I know you, and more I hate you. You know that right?".  
He shrugs and smiles. "Think what you want. I don't care".

I grab the coffee pot and go over Michael, Ted, Emmett and Ben.  
Fuck Brian Kinney. Who the fuck does he thinks he is?


	3. The One I Want

_You're the one that started to make me feel this way. And every night I'm thinking about the words you'd say_****

JUSTIN P.O.V.  
As soon as we're in Babylon, Michael drags me towards the bar. "You better watch out," he tells me, before asking for three beers.  
"So, what do you think?" Ben asks smiling.  
I look at the men dancing, the couples kissing, the tricks being dragged towards the backroom. "It's like the clubs in Seattle."  
Michael looks at me and then says, "I thought you weren't into random sex."  
"I'm not, but after I broke up with my boyfriend, my best friends used to take me to places like these. They thought that since I was fourteen when I met Seth, I had to have new experiences."  
"And what did you think?"  
I shrug. "I've tried to fuck random guys, but it didn't work. It didn't feel right to fuck a guy just because I wanted to have sex. Just use them and leave them. I know that it's a stupid thing to say, but it's what I think."  
"I don't think that it's stupid."  
"Thanks Ben."

We talk for a couple of minutes and then Michael and Ben go to dance and I wait for Emmett at the bar.  
I order another beer and then a Margarita and by the time I've drank it, I feel an arm coming around my waist and a voice whispering in my ear, "Hey there Sunshine."  
"Fuck. Brian," I say turning around. I try to act like it didn't affect me, his breath on my neck. Ok, I kind of hate him, but he's still gorgeous.  
"I scared you again?"  
"Yeah."  
"You didn't seem scared," he says smirking.  
"Could you please let me go?" I ask him when after several minutes he still keeps his arm around my waist, just looking at me and smiling.  
"Am I bothering you?"  
"Yeah."  
"Ok," he says, but doesn't move.  
"Brian."  
He leans forward and whispers in my ear, "I can't help it. I need to touch you. I want to fuck you."  
I sigh and put my hands on his chest to push him away. "No."  
"C'mon Sunshine."  
"No, Brian."  
He's about to say something else when I see Emmett making his way towards the bar and I let a breath of relief escape.  
"You're so ashamed by me that you're glad to see Emmett?"  
"He's my friend. It's not about you and who the fuck told you that I'm ashamed of you?"  
He smirks and fuck if I know why. "Then dance with me."  
"No."  
"Why?"  
"Because you're gonna try to fuck me."  
Once again he leans towards me, resting a couple of inches away from my lips. "If you're so sure that you don't want me, then where's the fucking problem?"  
"I'm not going to play games with you, Brian."

"Hey boys," Emmett greet us.  
Brian doesn't say anything, just takes a step back before grabbing a guy's belt and dragging him towards the backroom. I don't fucking understand him.  
"Hey, Em."  
"Having fun?" he asks me, putting his arm around my shoulder.  
"No."  
"Well then, let's dance."  
I shake my head and look at Ben and Michael. I wish I could have what they have. I want what they have, and this isn't the right place to find Mr. Right.  
"I'm tired. I'll just go home."  
"But baby..."  
"Tomorrow I have to go pick up a friend at the airport. I need to get up early." Ok, it's a lie because Dean's flight lands at 4:30pm, but at the moment I just want to go away. "Say hi to Michael and Ben."  
"Ok."  
I wave at him and head out of Babylon.

**BRIAN P.O.V.**  
I can't stand the fact that it seems so easy for Justin to pretend that I don't affect him.  
I pull the trick against the wall, pushing down his pants.  
Why the fuck can't he just let it go and fucking let me fuck him? It's just going to be a fuck. He doesn't have to think about anything.  
But while I push inside the trick, I remember that the whole point is that it's because it's just a fuck that he's not going to give in.  
Maybe I should just let it go like everyone says.

I fuck the guy hard and fast and as soon as I cum, I pull out and head to the bar.  
When I get there, Justin isn't there anymore and Emmett is talking with a tall blond guy.  
"Emmett?"  
"What is it, Brian?" he asks when he turns around.  
"Where's Justin?"  
"He left half an hour ago. He says that he has to go pick up someone at the airport tomorrow, so he was going to go to bed early."  
Fuck. Just fucking peachy.  
"Thanks. Say hi to Mikey and the Professor."  
"What? You're going too?"  
I nod and make my way towards the exit.  
I fucking hate all this shit. Fucking blond twink!

**JUSTIN P.O.V.**

When I get home, I can't stop myself from thinking about Brian. He's such an asshole, but at the same time, just as much as I hate the fact that he doesn't let it go, I'm also kind of flattered that he keeps on trying to fuck me. It makes me feel special.  
As soon as I have this thought, I start to laugh.  
"How stupid can I possibly be? He wants a fuck. Just a fuck and as soon as it's over, he will just act like I don't even exist," I say in the empty room.  
"Just fucking great, Jus. Keep thinking that he wants you for more than a casual fuck. Keep on being the stupid kid that you were when you met Seth."

Now I'm fucking talking to myself. Thanks a lot Brian.

I take a quick shower, trying not to think about Brian's arm around my waist, but I find myself jerking off without even know it. Fucking hell! I should go away. I should leave this town. How stupid was I thinking that being back here was even a good idea? Well fuck me. I've been stupid once again.

I put a towel around my waist and sigh as I walk to the bedroom. Maybe I could go back with Dean when he leaves. Maybe I should just change cities. I could go to New York or to Boston.

I dry myself and then lie on the bed under the covers and stare at the ceiling. Boston is a great city. I could go there. It would be a brand new start.

I look at the clock on my nightstand. 2:20 I have to sleep.  
This is the last night that I'll spend alone in my apartment. Tomorrow, I'll stay at home and maybe paint or whatever the fuck and then I'll go to pick up Dean at the airport and take him to the Diner. He fucking wants to work there with me.  
Why can't I have one fucking nice, normal day in my life?

I turn around and bury my head under the pillow. I hate all this shit.

° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° °

When I spot Dean, I find myself smiling and feeling happy. I love to have him with me. Except the times when we fucked, he's always been the greatest friend ever and I've missed him this last month.

Dean runs towards me smiling and when we're close enough, he hugs me tightly and then kisses me on the lips as always. Ok, maybe this time he's using more tongue than always.  
I laugh and push him away.  
"Stop it. You have a boyfriend."  
"Haven't they told you?"  
"What?"  
"You have the most kissable lips ever," he says, and then gives me a peck on the lips and puts his arm around my shoulder.  
"You only have one bag?"  
"Yep."  
"Ok, so you ready to go then?"  
Dean nods and we start to walk towards the exit.  
"How was your flight?"  
"It was ok, but it was better to see you and kiss you."  
He fucking knows that these things make me blush and the bastard is always saying them on purpose.  
"Behave or I'll put your ass on the first flight back or better, I'll call Jason."  
"We're not together anymore," he tells me while we get in the taxi. I roll my eyes and sigh.  
"You're together and apart every other month. Where's the news?"  
"This time is different."  
"Why?"  
"Because I don't want to change for him."  
"Dean…."  
"He's not the one. I don't want to change for him."  
"Ok, I'm not going to say anything."  
"Thanks, Baby. Now, where's the Diner?"  
He always changes the subject. Fucker.  
"We stop at home first to drop your bag, then we can go to the Diner."  
"How many rooms do you have?" he asks out of the blue.  
"One."  
Dean smirks. "Oh, so we're going to share the bed?"  
I roll my eyes and when the Taxi stops in front of my building, I let the subject drop.

**BRIAN P.O.V.**  
Sometimes I fucking hate this routine. We come here every night before going to Babylon. Then we head to Woody's and then to Babylon. Same old same old.  
Deb comes to our booth smiling.  
"Hey Ma."  
"Hey Honey."  
"Where's Justin?"  
"He's coming in a couple of minutes. This morning he had to clean up his apartment because this afternoon, he had to go pick up a friend to the airport. So, what will it be boys?"  
While Deb takes our order, I think about Justin. Maybe I was a bit too aggressive yesterday, but fuck! I'm not going to apologize because he wants to be celibate.

When the bell over the door rings, I look up and like the first time, there he is; incredibly beautiful. Only this time, he's with a guy who's a little taller than Justin with dark, short hair and a bit of beard. Must be the friend Deb was talking about.  
Together, they look like models from a campaign for a big firm. Like Boss or CK. They're hot. I start to picture them half naked with Justin lying on the guy; something absolutely sexy, like every damn CK poster.

While I think about this, I see the guy putting his arm around Justin's shoulder, pulling him close and kissing him on the mouth. Not like I kiss Mikey. Not like I kiss a guy that I want to fuck and when the guy pulls away, Justin blushes. WHAT. THE. FUCK?  
"I swear, I've seen that guy in a magazine," Ted whispers.  
"I could cum just looking at them. They're hot together," Emmett says.  
I turn to look at them when Justin and the guy come closer to our booth and just like always, Justin doesn't even look at my way. Like every damn day.  
"What were you saying, Theodore?" I ask when I see him still staring at Justin's friend. I refuse to call him boyfriend.  
"That I swear I saw that guy in the advertising campaign for Calvin Klein Jeans from the last spring collection. He was stretched out on the floor all dirty and sweaty with his knees bent and a blond guy, just a hot as he was, straddling his waist. They were kind of fighting or at least, that was the idea that I got. They were both wearing low waist jeans half opened and I could swear that they weren't wearing any underwear and OH MY FUCKING GOD" he half shouts.  
"Teddy?" Emmett asks.  
"Fuck. It was Justin."  
"Who?" I ask.  
"The other model. The other guy in the poster and he was fucking hot. I knew I saw him before, but I couldn't remember where when Deb introduced us."  
"Are you sure?"  
Before Ted could answer me, Emmett waves at Justin who's currently dragging the guy towards the restroom, and yells "JUSTIN!" In a couple of seconds, the two are in front of us, laughing and touching. If the fucker doesn't take his arm from around Justin's waist, I'm going to kill him. Fuck. He was half naked with him and Ted and millions of other people saw them.  
"Guys, this is Dean," he says with a blinding smile and this Dean guy kisses him on the cheek.  
"Are you models?" Emmett asks to both of them.  
"I am, but my dearly beloved Baby here did just a couple of campaigns with me. He was fucking hot," he says and kisses Justin on the lips again. Fuck. I don't do jealous… I don't do jealous… fucking let him go already.  
"He was. I saw that Calvin Klein jeans campaign and you two were… fuck… definitely hot." I could kill Theodore now. He's fucking drooling on my Ju— fuck!  
"And he was just half naked."  
"Would you shut up, Bitch?"  
"Now, now Baby, behave," he tells Justin who burst out laughing again. I've never seen him laughing or smiling as much as he's doing now with this guy. Maybe he's the ex from Seattle, but if they're so all over each other, then they have to be back together.  
"You should see him naked and moaning. And in the photo he was on top, which is my favorite place to let him sit and ride. But he's a vision, even when he's under you." Dean looks Justin in the eyes and Justin blushes and he's even more beautiful when he does that. Ted splits out his coffee and Emmett shifts uncomfortably in his seat.  
"I'm going to fucking kill you," Justin whispers.  
"Let's just get to the fucking," he says laughing and once again kisses Justin on the mouth.  
"Are you the boyfriend from Seattle?" Emmett asks.  
"I'm from Seattle, but I'm not the fucking boyfriend who cheated on my Babe."  
"Dean…" Justin warns.  
"I know. What I was saying? Right. I'm not the stupid one. I mean, if I have someone as hot as Justin is, then I'm sure as hell not going to fucking around. And he's not just hot; he's a great f—"  
"Cut it out, Dean or I'm going to cut off your balls," Justin says red faced.  
"Ok Baby. Now let's meet the fabulous Deb."  
"Wait, this is Emmett, Ted and Brian."  
When Justin says my name, Dean looks me straight in the eyes with an amused expression and I raise an eyebrow.  
"Oh, so you're Brian?"  
"Yeah."  
"Justin told me you were an asshole, but not a good looking asshole."  
"Dean!" Justin says.  
"You're the one who's trying to fuck my baby."  
Emmett and Ted burst out laughing and before I could say anything, Justin takes Dean's hand and leads him again towards the bathrooms.

Fuck.  
_I'm not the fucking boyfriend who cheated_..._ I'm not the stupid one_… fuck. Maybe he's the new boyfriend. Fuck.


	4. Change

_Change came in disguise of revelation, set his soul on fir__e…__  
_**  
****BRIAN P.O.V**.  
After we left the Diner, we went to Woody's and then Babylon. I'm drinking my beer when Emmett looks at Michael and asks "Was that his boyfriend?"  
Michael frowns and looks confused at Emmett. "Who?"  
"That Dean guy. The model with Justin"  
"No he's not his boyfriend or at least I don't think so."  
"So, what is he doing here?"  
"Justin asked Ma yesterday if she had a job for Dean because he was coming from Seattle to spend some time with Justin and Ma gave him a job at the Diner." Michael shrugs and looks more at me than at Emmett. "I don't think Justin has a boyfriend. I mean, he broke up with his long time boyfriend just five months ago."  
"I think he should just go out and celebrate the new found liberty."  
Ben, Michael and Emmett all look at me. "What?" I ask them.  
"You just say that because you want to fuck him," Ben says.  
I don't answer him because we all know that it's the truth.  
"Anyway, do you think that they slept together?"  
"What's with all the questions, Em?" I ask him.  
"Just curious."  
"I don't know if they ever fucked. Maybe Dean was just kidding."  
I remember how Justin blushed in the Diner and shake my head. "Don't think so Mikey."  
"I'd pay to see them together. They're beautiful." I look at Emmett and raise an eyebrow.  
"What?"  
"You're his friend. You shouldn't think about him naked and fucking."  
"You do."  
"I'm not his friend; I just want to fuck him."  
I turn around and grab a trick by his belt before going towards the backroom.  
I hate when Emmett or Ted stare at Justin. It's absurd but it's true. He thinks of them as friends and they just want to fuck with him. At least I'm honest with him.

"On your knees," I say to the trick, pushing him down. I'm not in the mood to fuck. I get too easily distracted lately. When the trick starts to suck me, I lay my head on the wall and close my eyes, picturing beautiful and deep blue eyes and perfect lips and when I run my hand through the trick's hair, I pretend to have blond silky locks between my fingers.  
I sigh and keep my eyes closed. I'm fucked up. And I didn't even fuck him yet. It's so fucking frustrating. I keep seeing Justin kissing that stupid model. I keep seeing them fucking and I keep feeling this anger rising in me at the thought of them together.  
"Kinney?"  
I look down at the trick and I realize that he's stopped sucking me off for a while now.  
"What?" I spat out.  
"Are you in the mood?"  
"I took you here, so what do you think?"  
He stands up and looks at me. "You're..."  
"What?"  
"I'm not going to say it because you'll kill me, but let's just say that maybe this is not the thing that you want."  
I look at him confused and he put my dick back in my jeans and zips them up. Then he leans towards me and whispers in my ear, "Maybe another time."  
And for a moment I'm confused but then I look down and fuck... Justin fucking made my dick soft. Well, not him because I jerked off with thoughts of him for a month, but the idea of him and that model guy. Fuck!

**JUSTIN P.O.V.**  
"There's someone staring at you."  
I look up from the counter and stare at Dean. "What?"  
"The other waiter. He's staring at you."  
I turn my face towards the kitchen and Luke is looking at me. When our eyes lock, he blushes and looks down. "He's cute."  
I roll my eyes. "Stop it, Dean."  
He sits on Brian's stool and looks at me. "You know Baby, it's not going to kill you to get laid."  
"If I wanted to get laid, then I'd get laid."  
"Ok, then let's go somewhere."  
"No."  
I turn my back at him and start to make a fresh pot of coffee.  
"C'mon."  
"I'm not going to fuck a stranger."  
"Why?"  
"You know why..."  
"You're almost 22 and you have only fucked with me and Seth."  
I turn to look at him again. "And your point is?"  
"That you have to make up for lost time."  
"You're crazy."  
"Just one?" he pleads.  
I sigh and run a hand on my face. "Why are you saying all this?"  
"Because I care about you."  
"You just want to go to some gay club, but you don't want to go alone."  
He smiles. "Yep."  
"Well, fuck you.  
"Sometimes, you're a rude little shit."  
"That's what Brian said."  
"Then Brian is right."  
"You're not going to convince me to go out with you by insulting me."  
"Yeah, I know. So what do you say?"  
"Ok, I'll come with you, but I'm not going to fuck anybody."  
"That's a shame. You're great in bed."  
Fucker. He just says these things to make me blush.  
"You're hot when you blush."  
I turn my back at him. "Would you shut up?"  
"You know, I'm the ultimate top..."  
"I remember something about it."  
"Let me finish." Dean grabs my arm, making me turn around to face him. "I didn't even let Jason top me. In fact, you've been the only one in a very very very very long time, and that's because you're a great top, so if you will ever..."  
"Don't even finish what you're saying" I cut him out. "It was a long time ago and I'm not going to…"  
"It was less than a year and half ago and it was great. Even if it was just a fuck that time. But the first time… fuck! Those were the best two months of my life…"  
I cross my arms on my chest and look at him. "And what about Jason?"  
Dean puts on his most innocent expression and smirks. "What about him?"  
"You were the one that ended whatever the fuck we had because you said that you found love, and when I got back together with Seth, you said that it was great for us to be just friends, and now you say all this shit."  
"Jus, listen..." he stops and looks around the deserted Diner and sighs. "I broke up with him."  
"What?"  
"Yeah"  
"I thought..."  
"I didn't want to tell you. You would have freaked out."  
I look at him confused. "Why would I..."  
"Because I stopped tricking after you and Seth broke up and Jason kind of figured out why."  
It can't be that he... "He understood that I liked you and that I stopped tricking because I wanted to be what you wanted and..."  
"Shut up."  
"Jus..."  
"You're my best friend. Fuck. You're the only friend that I have and I'm not going to fucking be with you. And fuck, Dean you lied to me. You told me that you and Jason..."  
He smirks. Asshole.  
"See? You're freaking out. That's why I didn't tell you on the phone."  
I shake my head. "You came here because you wanted…"  
"To be with you" and then he stands up from the stool and put his apron on the counter. "Our shift is over. So, where are we going?"  
"I'm going home." I look at Luke who's staring at us and smile. "Are you going to close?"  
He nods. "Debbie told me that Michael and his friends are going to be back and then Mikey will help me close."  
"Ok then I'm going home."  
He smiles. "Night Jus."  
I smile back at him and then look again at Dean. "You go wherever it is you wanna go." I grab my jacket and pull out a key. "Here. Try not to make too much noise when you get back."  
Dean grabs the key from my hand and looks at me. "Jus..."  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
He nods.  
"Why are you so fucking angry now?"  
"Don't you get it?" I almost yell at him.  
"No. What is it?"  
I run my hands through my hair and sigh. "I don't need another guy trying to fuck me. I want a friend and if you came here just to fuck me, then go the fuck back home."  
I turn around to head towards the door, and Dean grabs my arm to make me turn around.  
"Ok. Sorry. Let's just pretend that nothing happened."  
"Thanks."  
I grab my bag and put on my jacket as I walk out of the Diner.

**BRIAN P.O.V.**  
When we get back to the Diner, I see Justin almost running outside and when I look at the door, there is one of the new waiters looking his way with a concerned look on his face.

Michael opens the door and after they all get inside, I walk over the waiter. "What happened to him?"  
Lanny or whatever the fuck his name is looks at me. "Why do you ask?"  
"He was practically running away."  
"He got in some sort of argument with Dean. They were talking about going out to dance and then about fucking and then Justin got nervous and left."  
I nod and instead of going inside the Diner, I start to walk the same way Justin left.

Michael is going to be pissed tomorrow but I don't care.

I almost have to run to catch up with Justin, and when he stops in front of a building, I slow my walk and just look at him. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing here.  
I wait until I see some lights turned on before going inside the condo and up to last floor.

I hear music coming from inside and it's a fucking depressing song. I have to knock a couple of times before he comes to open the door and he couldn't be more beautiful with his messy hair and only a pair of black sweat pants on. He looks even paler.  
"Brian…" he whispers sounding totally surprised.  
"Hey there sunshine."  
He rolls his eyes but moves away to let me in. He closes the door as soon as I'm inside the apartment and then walks over to the stereo and turns it off.  
"What are you doing here?"  
I look around, studying the little living room. "I followed you."  
"And that's the answer to my next question."  
I turn around to look at him. He has his head tilted to one side, his hair falling in his eyes and the sweatpants low on his waist. Fucking perfect. Now I have the hard on that would have been useful when I had the trick in front of me in the backroom.  
We look at each other in silence.  
Justin raises his eyebrows. Why the fuck is he staying on the other side of the fucking room?  
"As much as I'm happy to see you Brian," and the sarcasm is evident in his voice, "why are you here?"  
"Lanny at the Diner…"  
"Lan… Luke?"  
"Whatever the fuck. Anyway, he told me that you had a fight with Danny…"  
He laughs. I look at him smirking. "You're not good with names."  
"I just don't care."  
"Then why do you know my name?"  
I take a step towards him and smile. "You're hot enough for me to remember your name."  
"Should I be pleased?"  
I shrug. "If you want. Anyway, I wanted to be sure that you were ok."  
"What?"  
And fuck he's just as surprised as I am. "I don't know why I said that."  
"Why did you think that I would not be ok?"  
"Leslie…"  
"Brian…" he admonishes me.  
"Ok, Luke. I asked him why you were running away and he said that you got upset talking with Dean and I followed you to make sure that you were ok and then I just came up. To tell you the truth, I thought that you would have just told me to fuck off."  
He smiles. "I would have but I was too shocked to say anything."  
"Yep, I'm stunning beautiful."  
He smiles and I'm strangely happy to see that I'm able to make him smile when he looked so fucking depressed when I got here.  
"You're so incredibly modest."  
I sit down on the sofa and Justin offers me a drink and when we both have a beer, he sits down next to me but leaving a certain distance between us.  
"I'm ok. Dean and I… well, let's just say that it's complicated and we fight from time to time. It's no big deal."

He must be the new boyfriend. The way he talks about him and the absent look he has thinking about Dean. Fuck.  
"I saw your pictures."  
He looks at me puzzled. "Which… Oh you mean the ones for Calvin Klein?"  
"Yeah. You were hot. Both of you."  
He slightly blushes. "Thanks."  
"You know, I work in Advertising and I'd love to have you in an AD that I'm working on." What. The. Fuck! I must have gone nuts.  
"You can't be serious."  
"If I didn't already have done it before I saw the pictures, I would have gone out to buy those jeans that you were wearing in that Ad. It's what I need for the new campaign I'm doing."  
"Brian is this some new way that you're using to try to fuck me?"  
I laugh. He's probably right. I don't even know what I'm thinking. "I don't know."  
"I have to think about it."  
I raise an eyebrow. "You're really going to think about it?"  
"Why?"  
"Because you hate me and you think that I'm just trying to fuck you."  
"Yeah but I loved doing those photos. It was fun."  
"I bet," I say sarcastically. "With Dean…"  
He looks at me and smiles. I know. I must sound jealous.  
"We fucked after that photo shoot."  
I almost choke on my beer. "What?"  
He nods and shrugs. "About four years ago, we were in some fucked up sort of relationship. I broke up with Seth and I don't even remember why, but I went out to drink with Dean and we ended up drunk and stoned and next thing I knew, I was fucking his ass, which was like the craziest thing ever because he doesn't bottom for anyone, not even his ex-boyfriend." He smiles and shakes his head. "He did say that I was a great top. Anyway, we just kept on doing it. It went on for two months, maybe longer, I don't really remember. He met Jason, who was his boyfriend 'til last week, and I got back together with Seth."

I knew that they had fucked. I knew it from the look on Dean's face every time he looks at Justin and the way they were kissing this afternoon.  
"We decided to be just best friends. The last time it happened, it was during the photo shoots for the spring collection of Calvin Klein. I had a fight with Seth and we were in one of our break-ups and Dean, well… he has, or at least had, an open relationship so we fucked for a couple of times. It was a year and a half ago."  
I stare at him for several minutes.  
"Are you telling me that every time you had problems with your boyfriend you fucked with Dean?"  
He laughs. "I know, it's crazy and now he wants to be together with me. That's what we fought about. I don't want anyone right now and he practically told me that he broke up with his boyfriend because he wanted to come here and be my boyfriend."

So they're not together. I'm relieved about it and I know that I shouldn't be because I just want to fuck him and boyfriend or not I'll have him, but to know that he's not in love with someone else… it's strangely comforting.  
"I told you that you were hot and I wasn't the only one that wanted to fuck you."  
"I know." He sounds sad for a second, but then smiles and drinks all his beer before getting up to grab another one and I can't help but stare at his perfect ass while he walks towards the kitchen that's in a corner of the living room.

When he bends down to grab the new beer, I lick my lips and before I know what the fuck I'm doing, I'm standing at his back with my hands on his hips.  
"Brian. What the fuck are you doing?"  
"If I have to tell you, then I'm not doing it in the right way."  
He turns around in my arms and put his hands on my chest to shove me back.  
"Just fucking stop it. I'm not in the mood for your attempts to fuck me. I've just found out that I have no friends, that the only person that was close to me when I lost my best friend in front of my eyes, just wants to fuck me and this is what you do? Just leave me the fuck alone."  
And then he's gone. He fucking left me there. I know that I did something very stupid… but I couldn't help myself.  
"Close the door when you go away" he shouts from behind his closed bedroom door.  
I must be the greatest asshole ever.


	5. I Wanna

_I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you. You wanna touch me too. Every way and when they set me free. Just put your hands on me...  
_  
**JUSTIN P.O.V.**  
Dean didn't come home last night, and I was almost relieved this morning when I woke up to an empty apartment. Long after Brian was gone, I still kept thinking about him. It was not so bad talking to him… well… at least it wasn't so bad until he tried for the millionth time to fuck me. I don't even know why I got so angry at him. Maybe it was because in that moment I really needed a friend, or maybe it was just because I'm fucked up. Too much fucked up. Brian is gorgeous and smart and if I wanted to be fucked, he's the best I could get… but every time he's around, I get irritated, then he leaves, and I think about him trying to understand why we're not able to be civil around each other. It's not always so bad… maybe if he stopped trying to get in my pants, I wouldn't be so grumpy with him.

I sigh and open the diner door. Emmett, Ted, Michael and Ben are already sitting at one of the booths and I wave at them while going behind the counter. Brian is sitting on his usual stool reading the paper spread on the counter. I pick up my apron and tie it around my waist before turning around to grab the coffee pot. Something is off… different…  
"If you're waiting for my usual greeting, it's not going to come."  
That's it. His "_Hey there Sunshine_" followed by jokes that make me angry at him. I wonder if he does it on purpose.

I fill his empty cup and look at him and Brian just keeps staring at the same page of the newspaper.  
"What's so interesting on the obituaries page?" I ask him and he looks up at me and he looks like shit. Like he didn't sleep or something.  
"Nothing. Why?"  
I arc an eyebrow. "You've been staring at the same page for the last ten minutes" I tell him nodding with my head towards the page opened in front of him.  
He doesn't say anything and even if he would have said something, I was too distracted to hear him. Right there, in the middle of the page, there was my father's picture just under the title "CRAIG TAYLOR DIED LAST NIGHT AFTER A HEART ATTACK."

Is this how am I supposed to feel reading about my dad's death? Because I can't feel anything resentment, sadness… I feel numb and empty and…  
"Justin? Justin? Are you ok?" I look at Brian.  
"Yeah what?"  
"I asked you for a sandwich."  
I nod and walk towards the kitchen.  
I keep seeing my father's picture in front of my eyes. So the bastard is dead and no one told me. Maybe I should be mad or… I don't know…. I just should feel something different from disinterest.

I put Brian's plate in front of him and sigh.  
"Hey Debbie!" I call untying my apron and putting it away under the counter.  
"What is it, Sunshine?" she asks serving one of the tables.  
"I need to take the day off. Do you think that it's possible?"  
I can feel Brian's eyes following me but for now, I don't want to think about him. So I walk over Debbie and she smiles at me.  
"What happened?"  
"I have a family emergency." Debbie raises an eyebrow and puts her hands on her hips.  
"Family emergency?"  
I close my eyes for a second and then, looking in her eyes, I say "My Dad died last night. I have to go there."  
"When did your mother…"  
"She didn't. I just read it in the newspaper."  
Debbie pulls me in a tight embrace. "Go Sunshine and I'm sorry for what happened."  
I nod and the pull back. "Thanks Deb. I'm going to call Dean so he'll come over."  
"Sure."  
Without looking back at Brian, I grab my jacket and leave the Diner.

************

I look up while Dean crosses the street to the park.  
"Hey" he says sitting down next to me.  
"Thanks for coming. Maybe you were doing something important…"  
"No it's ok. I was at home when you called. I'd ask how you are, but knowing you and your family…"  
"Is it bad that I don't feel sad for what happened to him?"  
I turn my face to look at Dean and he sighs and shakes his head. "No. Not after the way he and your mother threatened you. When was the last time you saw them?"  
"When I went away with Seth."  
"I think that it's right the way you feel. I mean, ok he was your father, but you don't have to feel or react in a certain way just because it's what people would expect from you. We are each our own person. We feel in our own way."  
I look at him and then smile. He's back to being my best friend. I thought that since I told him that I didn't want to be with him, not now at least, he would have pushed me away. I thought that maybe things would have been awkward, but I'm happy that now he's just being my best friend.  
"Thanks, Dean."  
"Not a problem Baby. So, I'll go to the diner now." He stands up and I nod. "Are you going to call me if you need anything?"  
"Sure. Later."  
I stand up and walk out of the park.

**************

I stood, hiding, just listening to the priest and dad's friends talking during the whole ceremony and I saw Molly and Mom sitting in the front crying. I wondered if maybe it was just because of me that I always thought that he was a bad father. Maybe with Molly he was great all the time, taking her out, playing with her, being proud of her… like he was before I decided to be gay, as my father always put it. And maybe I was distracted and didn't notice what a wonderful husband he was. Maybe I had a distorted image of him in my mind. Whatever it was, it made impossible for me to cry today.

I look towards the back door of the kitchen, wondering if I should go inside or not. What would it change?  
I sigh. Nothing. It wouldn't change anything.

"Justin, is that you?" I hear the voice behind my back and I turn to see my sister standing there. We look at each other for a couple of minutes before she runs to hug me. I'm actually stunned at this display of affection. It has been almost seven years since the last time we saw each other and back then, she thought that Daddy was right kicking me out.

Molly pulls away and looks at me again with teary eyes. "I can't believe you came."  
"I…"  
"I know. You thought that I still hated you."  
"Kind of. I though that I'd never been your brother again."  
She seems even sadder for a second, but then just hugs me again. "Dad didn't know, but my best friend is gay. He took me to Prom last year. Dad thought he was my boyfriend but he was going out with the quarterback."  
I smile at that. Little Molly fag hag.  
"So now you're gay friendly?"  
"I'm sorry for what happened when we were kids."  
I shake my head. "It was natural for you to be on their side. You couldn't understand."  
"But I do now and I want you to know that I don't agree with what Mom thinks."  
I frown. "What do you mean?"  
"She thinks that it's your fault—what happened to Dad."  
"What?"  
"Justin!" I hear my mother's cold tone calling my name.  
"Mom, Justin is here! I told you that he would…"  
"Molly, go inside. I need to speak to your brother."  
Molly nods but hugs me again and whispers in my ear, "Tell me where I can find you."  
"Liberty Diner on Liberty Ave" I whisper back.  
"I'll come see you."  
She kisses my cheek and then goes inside what was once my home.

I look at my mother and I see all the hate still there in her eyes. I thought that it wouldn't have hurt after all this time. Well, I was wrong.

"What are you doing here? This is your father's…"  
"I know. Why didn't you call?"  
"Why would I? You made it clear years ago that you didn't want to be part of this family."  
"I wanted to be part of this family, you were my family… it was you that pushed me away just because I wanted to be me."  
"You knew that you had to choice. You made your choice and you can't come here today, on your father's funeral day, trying to make a scene."  
"I'm not making a scene, mother. I'm in the backyard see? Your guests won't see me or hear me."  
She takes a deep breath and then closes the door behind her coming closer to me.  
"What are you doing here?" she asks again.  
"I just wanted to see you and Molly. I wanted to know why you didn't tell me. I thought that after all these…"  
"It was your fault."  
"Yeah Molly told me that you think…"  
"It's not what I think, it's the truth. You had to come back. After all these years, you had to come back. Why? We thought that we wouldn't have to be exposed to your lifestyle anymore…"  
"What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't expose…"  
"Don't use that language Justin. You knew that your father was ashamed of what you do…"  
"What I do?"  
"Yes. And you knew that he didn't want his friends to find out. Then you had to come back and kill him."  
"And how did I do it?" I ask her getting angry. I can't believe that my own mother could say those things to me.  
"Coming back!" she almost shouts. "Why did you have to come back here? We've spent the last years in peace with everyone and now you decided to come back without thinking about anyone but yourself. His friends saw you with some guys come out of a club some time ago and working in a gay diner and they started questioning and your poor father wasn't strong enough…"  
"Are you fucking serious?"  
"Justin, I told you…"  
"You said that I wasn't part of your family, so you don't get to tell me how I have to talk. You're saying that I killed my father because his friends saw me with some guys? What the fuck were they doing on Liberty Avenue?"  
She takes a step back and still staring at me in the eyes, says "I don't care what you say to justify yourself…"  
"Mom, you're being unreasonable."  
She ignores what I say and opens the door and before stepping inside, she turns to glare at me. "I hope that you're happy with your life and I hope that you have some friends because we're not your family" and then she slams the door.

*****************

I'm not sure how long I stood there staring at the door but when I looked around, it was getting dark. So I went home and sat on the couch, just looking at the wall and then I started drinking one beer after another. I needed Dean, but he was covering for me at work, so I was alone and I needed to distract myself from everything so here I am now. At Babylon, looking for a fuck when I swore to myself no more casual fucks.

I look among the dancing men and I can't shrug off the feel of emptiness that I've been feeling since my so-called-mother slammed the door in my face after accusing me of killing my father. I can't… that bitch…

"Hey baby!" I turn around to see Emmett.  
I try to smile, but I'm not sure if I'm actually able to do it since I'm already half drunk.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Nothing, Em."  
"Well, why don't you come to have a beer with me?"  
"Sure." I need to get drunk, so alone or with him, it doesn't really matter.

We walk over to the bar and order two beers but after I drink mine in less than two minutes, Emmett gives me his and orders a cosmo for himself.  
"Something bothering you?"  
"Don't really want to talk about it."  
He nods. "I see. You just want to get drunk."  
"And laid."  
He smiles a little and I shake my head. "I don't fuck my friends, Em. I did once and it's going to shit now."  
He seems disappointed for a minute, but then nods and puts a hand on my shoulder.  
"It's ok. It would be awkward. So, do you want to have another one?" he asks pointing at the now empty bottle of beer that I put on the bar.  
"No. I'm going to dance."  
"Ok, see you later."  
I nod and walk on the dance floor.

**BRIAN P.O.V.**  
I've been watching him all night. He just danced, drank and danced. Debbie didn't want to tell me what happened at lunch or why suddenly, Dean took over Justin's shift, but looking at him now, I can see that something happened in the ten seconds that we saw each other at the Diner.

I swallow my second beer and put it down, ordering another one while Justin stumbles towards me.  
He gives me some sort of smile and then grabs my beer and drinks half of it. I take it back and push him away but he just puts his back against my chest and starts to swing his hips in time with the music.

"What are you doing?"  
"I'm dancing."  
I push him away again. "You're not dancing."  
He hugs my waist and kisses my shoulder. "Justin, stop it!"  
"Nope. Not in the mood to stop."  
"You're drunk."  
He shrugs. "So?"  
"Stop it, or you're going to be sorry."  
Justin smirks and arcs an eyebrow. "Really?"  
"Really."  
He cups the back of my head and in a second, his mouth is on mine and his tongue is pushing its way inside my mouth. His lips are just as soft as I thought they would be.  
I try to push him away, but he just tightens his hold and I sigh and give in and as soon as I'm kissing him back, Justin pulls away still smirking.  
"You're playing with fire."  
"Don't care," he says before turning away and heading off to dance. What the fuck is he trying to do?

I've been in the backroom twice and Justin was dancing every time I came out of it. At least, I'm sort of relieved that he isn't going to fuck while he's so fucking drunk.

I look down at my watch when I notice that the guys aren't here anymore and it's past three. I go over to the bar and order a beer and after a couple of minutes, he gets back. He's even more drunk then early and seems a bit high too.  
What I've learned in the last three hours, is that a drunk Justin is not depressed or sweet. A drunk Justin is horny as hell and fucking hot for me.

"Hey there, Sunshine" I tell him when he orders JB this time.  
Justin puts his fingers in my waistband and smiles. "Wanna dance?"  
I smirk. "Stop it, Justin."  
"Stop what?"  
"You look at me like you want to fuck."  
"I know."  
"But then you're going to want a boyfriend and I don't do boyfriend."  
"Don't care."  
We look each other in the eyes and he looks suddenly sober and something in his eyes makes me give in. "Nothing is going to change."  
"Don't care." Why the fuck does he keep saying that?

******************

When we get inside the loft, I look at him. "Last chance," I warn him.  
"I came, didn't I?"  
If he wants to play, I'm not going to say no to him. This time, it wasn't me who tried to fuck the other. "Get off your clothes."  
He takes off his t-shirt, keeping his eyes locked with mine and I can't help but just stare at him. In the moonlight, his white skin almost glows. He really is beautiful.

He starts to undo his belt and open his jeans and then kicks away his shoes before pulling down his pants along with his underwear. "Are you going to just stand there staring at me or are you going to fuck me?"

Now, normally I don't fuck people drunk out of their minds, but even if it seems all quite crazy, he seems pretty lucid. He just keeps staring at me with an arched eyebrow.

He looks like a totally new person. It's almost like he's not even the bus boy from the Diner or the model from that ad for Calvin Klein. He's this new Justin who looks and acts like a slut and seems to like it. I know that I should stop all this because it's wrong. I'm not what he wants, he's going to act all lovely on me in the morning and he's drunk and sure as hell high. But he's not a kid, so if he wants to fuck, I won't say anything about it.

I walk towards him and looking him in his eyes, I put my hands on his waist to pull him closer to me and then I start to kiss him. I don't want him to see how much he's not like the other tricks, so I decide to treat him like one of them. No affection. No love. No feelings. Just simple fucking. And I'm going to kick him out as soon as we've finished, so he's not going to believe that he's someone special to me.  
I'm going to have what I wanted for two months. I'm going to fuck him and then I'm going to take him out of my head and I'll be able to leave him alone and act like he's no one. Just another trick I tell myself once again.

I'm going to pretend that I don't care when I see him at the Diner and he's sad or when I see him at Babylon and he's drinking or dancing like he's going to die and he got just one last chance to do something like that.

I'm going to pretend that I don't care when Dean kisses him and I'm going to pretend that I don't feel like shit when every night I come back to the loft wishing he was with me, but I'm alone or with someone that I don't give a fuck about and I'm going to pretend that I don't think about him right before going to sleep or right when I get up in the morning.

**JUSTIN P.O.V.**  
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Ok, my asshole father is dead and my mother said that it was my fault because I decided to come back. But I don't want to think that just because of that I'm here now, about to fuck the only person that I truly hate. I should go back home. I should call Dean and talk with him. I shouldn't have played the slut at Babylon and I shouldn't have come here with Brian.

He's just going to fuck me and throw me away. But now he's kissing me and I can't think straight. When I kissed him at Babylon earlier, it was different because even if it was something amazing, I pulled away as soon as he started kissing back but now it's totally different. He was the one who started the kiss and I'm naked and he's dressed and I'm pressed against his toned body and he's kissing me fervently and I just want to be fucked right now. Hard and fast. I don't want to think about anything so I do it. I start to undo his jeans and before he could say something, I pull them down but when I go for the shirt, he pulls away from my hands and the kiss and smirks.

"I lead the play kid."  
I should push him away but I can't bring myself to care now, that he thinks of me like a kid, a trick… no one special. Like I said, I just wanted to fuck. He can do whatever is it that he wants.

"Just fuck me, Brian. You picked me at Babylon; you took me here to your loft, now we just have to fuck. Isn't this what you do with your tricks? So stop talking and fuck me." And then I pull away and head to the bedroom without waiting for him to say something back.

I'm already on the bed when he arrives. I look straight in his eyes. "Took you long enough."  
"Why are you playing the whore?"  
"I want to fuck. That's all. I'm not here for conversation."  
Brian looks at me for a while before walking towards me and then he kneels on the bed, between my bent legs, stroking my thighs 'till he reaches my waist and going back before pushing my legs further apart. Then he let his hands travel on my stomach and then on my chest before going on to my neck and continuing down my shoulders. It's almost like he wanted to imprint my body into his memory.

When he gets to my hands, he takes them in his and stretches my arms above my head, pinning them into the mattress and then he bends over me to whisper in my ear. "You're noone special. As soon as we've finished fucking, I'm going to throw you out."  
I'm already on a sort of auto pilot, so without hesitating, I whisper back "I'm not asking for anything else. Just a fuck."  
Brian nods keeping his head hidden in my neck and when he starts to lift his head, I take it between my hands, looking into his eyes. "Hard and fast."  
We look at each other for a couple of seconds before he nods and then bends his head to kiss me but I turn my head. He tries to cup my chin in his hand, but I stretch out to reach for a condom and the lube on his nightstand and pass them to him rolling on my stomach.

No more kissing… when I kissed Brian earlier at Babylon or just five minutes ago, I felt something that I don't like. I felt myself loosing control and in a different way… for a second, I felt that it was possible for me to fall for Brian and I don't want to… this is the last thing that I want…

I feel his fingers circling my hole before he pushes inside the first one followed soon by the second one. He surely took me seriously when I said that I wanted it to be hard and fast.  
I hear the sound of the condom ripped open and then Brian bends over me again and says "Roll over. I want to see your face when you come."  
"I don't..."  
"If you want to fuck, then you have to roll over."  
I sigh, knowing that he's serious and roll onto my back.

Brian takes my legs from under the knees and leads them around his waist before covering his sheathed dick with lube and starting to push inside me.

"You're tight!" he breathes out closing his eyes. That's probably the most frequent thing I've heard every time I fucked with Seth or Dean. It has been months since my last time, and it hurts like hell, so I close my eyes trying to breathe.

After a couple of seconds, I open my eyes again to look at Brian and stroke his face with my fingers. When Brian opens his eyes to look down at me, he stills his movements and pulls away a lock of sweaty hair from my forehead before bending his face over mine and trying to kiss me again and as I turn away, I say "Hard and fast, Brian" and he does something I wasn't expecting. He just kisses me on my left cheek and lets his forehead rest on it before starting to push in and out of me faster and harder every time.

I sink my nails in the skin of his back and push him deeper in me tightening my legs around his waist. We let out a yell at the same time and Brian takes my hands in his while I raise my hips to meet his thrusts.

"Fuck!" he groans and then closes his eyes for a second before opening them again to look down at me.  
"Bri…an…" I breathe out moaning and he starts to go faster and harder and when he goes to reach for my dick, I slap his hand away. "Don't need it" I tell him and he just nods and after a couple of thrusts, we're both coming. Spent, Brian crushes down on me and I automatically close my arms around his shoulders and close my eyes.

In the next seconds, I briefly imagine asking him to stay for a shower so we could have the second round later, but then he slides down on the mattress lying next to me and I know that I have to go away.

When Brian stretches an arm towards the nightstand and picks up a cigarette and lights it up, I sit up in the bed and take a deep breath before getting up to go gather my clothes. I can feel his eyes following me around and I choose to ignore him and as soon as I have my jeans and shirt on, I walk out of the loft. Suddenly, I don't feel drunk anymore. I feel even more empty.


	6. Hot

_Now you're in and you can't get out. You make me so hot. Make me wanna drop. I can barely stop. I can hardly breathe. You make me wanna scream. You're so fabulous..._

**BRIAN P.O.V.**  
It was so fucking strange. I thought that once we fucked, I would be able to throw him out and put an end to this story; but as soon as I was out of him, I just wanted to put on a new condom and start all over again. And part of me is fucking afraid to say it, but this has nothing to do with the fact that he's got to be the best fuck I have had in a long, long time, if ever.  
It's even more strange that when he got out of the bed, I felt the urge to pull him down again and just lay with him, lazily stroking his perfect porcelain skin.

I thought that after this fuck, everything would have gotten easier, but I was wrong. Now I'm lying in my bed, which smells like him, with the desire of having him back.

I couldn't stop staring at Justin while he was gathering his clothes because I wanted to say to him "_Stay_," which is a first for me since I never ask anyone to stay. I've never had the _desire_ to ask someone to stay after a fuck.

I told him that he meant nothing, that he was no one special and I kept telling myself that he was just another trick, but to hear him say that he considered himself a trick, made me want to tell him that he was fucking wrong, because I've never chased anyone like I did with him and no other trick has ever made me want to get to know him better.  
As I lay here staring at his pillow, I realize that I was just too afraid of letting go.

**JUSTIN P.O.V.**  
I've tried all night to sleep, but it was totally useless since every time I closed my eyes, I saw my dad dead, my mother saying to me, "_You came back here and he had an heart attack. It's your fault he's dead_," and Brian above me while we were fucking. At least, I was glad that when I got back home, Dean was already asleep.

As I cross the street to the Diner, I feel like shit and I know that it's partially because I have to see Brian and I don't want to. I wish I could find a way to avoid him, at least for a while, or be able to forget that I was so stupid last night that I gave in.

When I open the Diner's door and step inside, there is a tall guy that smiles at me and nods in my direction and so does his short, blond friend sitting next to him. This has to be a result of my last night as a whore. Fucking great.

"Baby!" I look up from the floor and Dean is behind the counter smiling, holding my apron in one hand. I roll my eyes. Every time we fight, he becomes the perfect boyfriend. Once we fought because he forgot that he had to pick me up to go together to a party and the week after that night, he came to pick me up after school to take me home every afternoon. In the morning, he was at the door with coffee and a hot chocolate croissant.

As I extend my arm over the counter to grab the apron from his hands, Dean smiles at me and says "You got fucked last night. You could have called me."  
"How do you…"  
"You have the same face that you had after a great fuck with Seth whenever you two had a fight. Or whenever we fucked and you got back home late."  
"Stop it!" I say annoyed as I tie the apron around my waist. Dean leans over to ask in a whisper "Who was the lucky one?" I just ignore him. He's the last person I'd want to discuss this with.  
"Just yesterday, you were back to being my best friend and now you're playing the asshole all over again."  
He rolls his eyes. "I always act this way. It's the reason why we became friends in the beginning. So stop complaining Princess. And besides, it's like you're only interested in assholes."  
I glare at him before walking over my tables to start cleaning up.

When it's almost lunch time, the guys start to arrive. The first ones are Emmett and Ted. They go to sit in one of the last booths and smile at me. As I walk over to them, the bell over the door rings and Ben and Michael come inside with Hunter. Mikey stops to hug me before sitting down with Ben and Hunter across from Emmett and Ted. I say hi to all of them and then start to write down their orders.

While I'm taking the coffee pot from behind the counter, Mikey comes to sit on one of the stools and just stares at me.  
"What?" I ask after a while.  
"Justin, can I ask you something?"  
I put down the coffee and lean closer to him. "What is it?"  
"Did... what happened last... you know, last night at Babylon?"  
And here I was hoping that just for once, I had some luck and not one of them saw me.  
"I had..." I stop to think about what to say. I'm not enough of a good liar to be able to come up with something in less than five seconds, so I have to go with the truth. "I had something to forget and I decided to use some hot guys to do it."  
I'm ready to hear that I'm stupid, that it was wrong, but Michael only nods. "Pain Management. Brian does the same." Then he looks up at me and tries to smile. "So, what the hell happened? If you want to talk, I'm here."  
If I don't count Dean, I don't have any friends except Michael, and Dean is the last person I want to talk to right now, but I have to say something to someone; to hear that it wasn't my fault and Mikey is the only one that I have now. So, taking a deep breath, I tell him everything.  
"Yesterday, I went to my mom's because my father died. She said that... that it was my fault. They didn't even call me. I have to read it in the fucking newspaper."  
"What the fuck? She told you that?"  
I nod. "I asked her what she meant and she said, and I quote _"you had to come back and kill him_" and then she thought that she wasn't being bitchy enough, so she added "_I hope that you're happy with your life and I hope that you have some friends because we're not your family_." And then I went away. I went home. Dean wasn't there so I started drinking a couple of beers and went to Babylon, got drunk and left with Brian."  
"Well... that... I don't know what to say."  
"Yeah I know."  
"Are you ok now?"  
About this I have to lie. "Yeah, kind of. Thanks for asking."  
I turn my back to him to pick up the coffee pot and after a second, Michael goes back to the booth.

The lunch break comes and passes and Brian doesn't show up.

**BRIAN P.O.V.**  
When it's time to have lunch, I think about going to the Diner to eat something with the guys, but then I remember that Justin is going to be there. How the fuck could I ignore him? Act like I don't think about him anymore, when I have to see him every time I want to be with my friends? It's so fucked up... I'm so fucked up.  
I still have to get out of the bed for more than the five minutes I need to take a piss. I keep rolling on his side to breathe in his scent and I don't want to take a shower because I smell like a Justin that just had an orgasm. God, I'm so fucking pathetic.

I look at the clock once again. 5.45pm. I officially spent all day in my bed thinking about him all the time. Stupid Sunshine and his perfect soft white skin, perfectly blond hair, deep blue eyes and... fuck. I want him even more than I did yesterday.

I get up from the bed, walk over the liquor cabinet, and take out my JB.

**MICHAEL P.O.V.**  
Ok, I knew that Justin left with Brian yesterday, I saw them, and I thought that it had something to do with him his sad face this morning and I was ready to tell him to forget about him because that's just the way Brian is... the basic "Brian-is-an-asshole" speech, but now that I really know what was wrong with him, I want to talk to Brian. I know that it's none of my business, but I already feel Justin is like a part of the family; like a little brother or something. So since I'm my mother's son, I feel the need to interfere and say something to Brian.

It's half past seven when I get to Brian's loft. His jeep is still parked outside but there aren't lights coming from the window. I open the building door using my key and instead of taking the lift, I walk the stairs. I can't hear any sounds coming from inside the Loft, so I open the metal door and step inside. "Brian?" I look around the dark place and I can't see him, so I turn on the lights and I hear an "Mmmh..." coming from the bedroom. "Brian? Are you fucking someone?"  
"What the fuck are you doing here?" comes his answer.

I go over the bedroom stairs and look at the empty JB bottle and at the unmade bed. Brian is under the cotton sheets obviously naked but there isn't anyone else, so he wasn't fucking. And Brian never sleeps in cum covered sheets, so I don't get what happened. Why he looks so... depressed.  
"You didn't answer me. What happened?"  
Still keeping his head on the pillow, he sighs. "I fucked Justin."

I look at him in silence for a couple of seconds. The way he said it, so... I don't know... sad... it's so out of character for him.  
"Ok... was it bad?" I ask him tentatively.  
That makes him lift his head and open his eyes to look at me. "He's the greatest fuck I ever had."  
"Then what is the problem?" I'm truly confused now.  
"That fucking him just made me want to fuck him again."  
"Brian, how much did you drink?"  
"What does that have to do with anything?"  
"You're talking about..."  
"What?"

"Never mind. So, you didn't go out today because you want to fuck him again?" I ask in disbelief.  
"I didn't fucking go to work, I haven't eaten anything since yesterday and in all this, you want to know why it happened?"  
I'm half afraid to ask. "Why?"  
"Because..."  
"That's the moment when you realize that you don't want to talk about your feelings anymore?"  
"Pity and feelings make my dick soft."  
I roll my eyes. "Thinking about Justin makes your dick soft? Because I mean, if I didn't have Ben, I would have tried to..."  
"Shut the fuck up, Michael!" Brian hisses and I smirk. So Brian Kinney does do jealous after all.  
"Ok. So, you were saying?"  
"That it's all his fault. I can't fucking stop to think how great his ass felt around me and his lips on mine, well, the two times he let me kiss him... and I don't want to wash because I like his smell on me and I need to shower to go to the Diner or to work so I didn't go out. And the sheets..." he says picking them up and throwing them down on the bed again.  
"What is wrong with the sheets?"  
"They smell like Justin."

I look at him and bite my lips to stop myself from laughing. If I wasn't afraid he'd kill me, I'd tell him how ridiculous all this looks... Mr. "I don't believe in love-I don't fuck anyone twice" is laying on the bed, complaining, whining and looking like a kid who just had his favorite toy stolen.  
Fuck. This is so fucking weird. He's acting like a girl with a crush. "_He touched this... that smells like him... I can't do this because it reminds me of him..._"

"Brian, did you like... you know, hit your head or something?"  
"Would you stop it with the stupid question? I've just fucked the wrong guy. That's all."  
"You're so fucking melodramatic, Brian!" I tell him rolling my eyes. "And the wrong guy that you want to fuck again?"  
He glares at me. "I'll ask it again. What the fuck are you doing here?" And this is the Brian Kinney I remember and know how to handle.

I look away from his face. "It was about Justin but..."  
"What?"  
"At lunch—you weren't at the Diner..."  
"I know. I don't want to have to tell him again to get lost."  
"You're an asshole sometimes, you know that, right?"  
"Yeah I know. Now, could you please go back to the point?"  
"Ok, he looked depressed and I thought it was because of you, so I asked him what was wrong and he said..."  
Justin told me about his dad in confidence and now, if I say something to Brian, Justin will probably be mad at me. But I know that in some fucked up way, Brian could be helpful because of the father that he had. So I take a deep breath and say, "I asked him why he came to Babylon yesterday and he said that he had some pain management to do and I asked him what was wrong and he said that his father died and his mother said that it was Justin's fault and said "_I hope that you're happy with your life and I hope that you have some friends because you don't have a family_" and I asked him if he was ok today and he said that he was better but I didn't really believe him."

Brian sits in the center of the bed and looks at the pillow on his left side. I think that it was Justin's last night. The way he looks at that pillow, it's, God help me, cute. He looks lost and thoughtful and then he strokes the pillow with his fingers and this has to be the strangest thing that I have ever seen him doing.

"I told him that he was no one special. That after we fucked, he had to go away. He thinks that I believe he is just another trick."  
"Geez Brian. Why did you have to..."  
"Because he wants a commitment, a relationship, a boyfriend and I'm not that. Not for him, not for anyone."  
"You're unbelievable. You like him, really like him. He is probably the first person you ever liked and you're ready to shove that down the toilet and just because you're afraid and..."  
Brian looks back at me and yells "I'm fucked up, Michael!"  
"So he is. C'mon Brian, you don't really know him, that's true, but you know what he's been through. He doesn't trust new people, he doesn't have a family because his threw him away like yesterday's garbage. You know all this and you knew that if he fucked with you last night, something had to be wrong with him. For God's sake he can't stand you and all of a sudden, he wanted to fuck with you. Just say that you're a coward and be done with this. He's great, he's smart and he's beautiful, but of course, you're Brian Kinney and what would people think if Brian Kinney found a boyfriend? If he starts to use the "R" word, will the world end? You know what Brian? You shouldn't give a fuck about what other people think about you or what you do with your life. It's your life and you have to live it and at the end of the day, you're the one that has to live with what he has done and no one else. It's just your business. And for the record, Justin didn't ask about you,

didn't say that now you two are together. He just didn't care if you were at the Diner or not. So find another excuse to avoid him because he's not some stupid trick."

I can see that he's pretty much shocked of what I said and I want him to think about all this. I want him to realize that if he says that he doesn't care about other people, that he always does what he wants, then he doesn't have to live up to his rules because otherwise, people would think that he's not himself anymore. And I want him to realize that if he wants to have Justin, really have him, than he has to get his ass off the bed and try to make Justin understand that Brian Kinney isn't just an asshole.

I look at him and take a deep breath.  
"I want you to help him."  
"Excuse me?"  
"You are fucked up. He's fucked up. Your parents were awful to you. If there is someone that can understand him, it's you. So get the fuck out of that bed, shower and go find him." I let my words sink in for a couple of seconds and I walk away and head to the door and out of the Loft.

**BRIAN P.O.V.  
**Deep down in me, I know that Mikey is right. I'm just afraid. Of what, I'm not sure. If my fear was of Justin pushing to have a relationship with me, Mikey just took me out of that one. I know that I'm afraid of letting go, especially with him, and I don't know what to do about it. But what I don't really know, is if I'm afraid to try and fail or of what people would think both if it works or if it doesn't.

I can't help but think about what Michael said about what happened to Justin. I basically told him that he didn't mean anything to me either when his mother just told him the same thing.

**JUSTIN P.O.V.**  
I throw my bag on the couch and sit down. Sighing, I look up at the ceiling.  
Dean is out once again, so I have my apartment all to myself, but the point is exactly that I don't want to be alone right now because I feel alone.

My dad died and nobody told me. My mother hates me and thinks that I killed my father. And I thought that after all those years without seeing each other, they would have stopped hating me. Yeah, time passes, hate rests even after you have long forgotten the reasons why it started.

Maybe I could call Molly. Right... too bad I don't have her number.

I'm about to go take a beer out of the fridge, when I hear a knock on the door.  
"Just a sec." I yell before getting up from the couch to open the door. "What... Brian?"  
"Hey there Sunshine."  
"What... what are you doing here?"  
He smirks. "Shouldn't you invite me in?"  
"Why would I? Last time you tried to fuck me..."  
"Right, but now we have already fucked, so you can let me in..."  
"Right. The one-fuck-for-customer policy." I step back and gesture him to enter. "Well then, come on in."  
"So you're not a rude little shit all the time" he tells me while I close the door behind us.

"Brian, look, if you came here just so we could fight, then you can go home because I'm not in the mood for you."  
He arcs an eyebrow. "You're not in the mood for me?"  
"Yeah. Remember? We can't stand each other."  
Brian sits down on the couch and looks at me. "Who said that I can't stand you?"  
"Right. So you try to annoy the shit out of me just because you like me." I see him flinch at the word like and I roll my eyes. "Let's get something straight. I don't want to have a relationship with you. You're the last person I would ask to have a relationship with me if I wanted to have one. So you don't have to worry and you can spare me the speech about getting lost and not stalking you."

"Are you done?"  
I sigh and close my eyes for a second. "Brian," I start opening them again, "What is it that you want from me?"  
He just keeps staring at me in silence and I'm getting frustrated. "Brian?"  
"What?"  
"You wanted to fuck me. You got it. Now you can leave me alone."  
He frowns and bites his lower lip. If I wasn't so not in the mood for him now, I'd think that he definitely looks cute. "I can't..." he whispers.  
"You can't what?"  
"I can't leave you alone because..." he stops for a second and I just look at him in disbelief. "Because Mikey said that I had to help you."  
"Help me?" he nods. "Help me with what?"  
"With you're father's death."  
"I can't fucking believe it."  
I turn my back on Brian and I hear him sigh and stand up. I close my eyes and I feel a pair of arms wrapping around my waist pulling me back.  
"Brian leave me..."  
"Would you shut the fuck up for once?" he whispers in my ear.  
I put my hands on his to open his arms but Brian grabs my hands in his holding them tight.  
"What are you doing?"  
"I told you to shut up, Sunshine."  
"Well, you can't come into my house and tell me to shut the fuck up. Who was the rude little shit?"  
He chuckles and I can feel the vibration of his chest against my back and his breath tickles the skin on my neck.

I feel again like I did yesterday while he was kissing me. This feeling of losing control. I try to pull my hands out of his but Brian tightens his hold on me.  
"Would you mind letting me go?"  
"Yes."  
"Brian..."  
"Why do you talk so much?"  
"Why are you here?"  
"Told you."  
I roll my eyes. "And why are you hugging me?"  
"Mikey told me to help you."  
"And you couldn't ask me if I wanted a hug?"  
"No. You would have said no. Remember, you can't stand me."  
I try to remember that it's true, that I don't want to be anywhere near him, but it's kind of difficult with his breath on my skin and his arms around me keeping me so close to him that I feel his chest arching in my back with every breath.  
"Why you weren't at the Diner this morning?" Why the fuck did I ask that? I'm such an idiot.  
"Missed me?"  
"See... you can't be nice for more that ten seconds... is it just with me that you can't hold back your sarcasm or I bring the worst out of you?"  
"I'm always sarcastic."  
"Yeah... I know."  
"But I have to say that with you it's more funny. You actually get angry and say something rude back to me. I like it."  
"Sure. Who wouldn't like to act like three years olds?"  
"See. Sarcasm. You're just like me."  
"I'm nothing like you..."  
"Mikey doesn't seem to think so."  
"Well... fuck what Mikey thinks."  
"He came to me a couple of hours ago telling me that little Justin was hurting and that I had to do something about it because apparently, we're both fucked up and we're both hated by our families so we should definitely bond."

I pull my hands away from his and push him back breaking free from his hold and turning around to face him.  
"God. I hate you. You know that right? Did you fucking hear yourself?"  
He smirks and fuck there's nothing more that I want to do than slap him.  
"Are you always such a drama queen?"  
"Mikey told you to come and you came. Now, get the fuck out. Little Justin is perfectly capable of taking care of himself."  
"See... drama queen."  
"Fuck you."  
He rolls his eyes. "Just shut up."  
"You..."  
He takes a step forwards taking my head in both his hands and then puts his lips on mine.

I open my mouth in shock and he pushes his tongue inside. I grab his hands to pull him away but apparently, my body doesn't pay attention to what I want because next thing I know, I have my hands in his hair, pulling him close and deepening the kiss.

Without breaking the kiss, he takes two steps forward and I hit my back against the wall. "Mmm..." I murmur and Brian pulls away breathless like me. He looks at me and licks his lips.  
"You ok?"  
"Yeah... you just pushed me too roughly."  
"Sorry."

**BRIAN P.O.V.**  
I'm not sure what possessed me. He was talking and talking and he has such pretty lips and they are so fucking soft and he wouldn't let me kiss him last night and I was dying to kiss him while I was inside him so I just looked at him and next thing I knew, we were kissing.

Now, I know that he was shocked, but he opened his mouth and I pushed my tongue inside and he put his hands on mine and I thought "_Ok, he's going to pull away_" but then his hands were in my hair and he started kissing back. I sort of lost my control and I pushed him up against the wall.

He's breathless just like me and his lips are red and swollen and wet. "I want to kiss you again," I say before I can stop myself. He licks his lips unconsciously and I have my answer. No matter if now he tells me to fuck off, I know that he wants me just like I want him.

I swallow and he sighs. I still have my body pressed against his and I can feel his hard on just like I'm sure that he can feel mine.

"Justin?" I whisper and he looks at me with big blue eyes and for a moment I see fear there. It's just a second and then he pushes me away.  
"Go home, Brian."  
"Justin..."  
"What?" he pulls himself away from the wall and walks to the other side of the room and I smile.  
"Are you afraid that I'm going to jump you or that you're going to jump me?"  
"Go home."  
"You've already said that."  
"Then do it."  
"Why don't you answer me?"  
"You still didn't answer my question" he says frustrated. "Why didn't you come to the diner today? Afraid that I'd ask to see you again or that you'd ask to see me again?"  
Ok he's mad now. Great. All I'm able to do is make him angry.  
"See?" he says after a while. "You don't answer my questions, why would I want to answer yours?"  
"Don't you ever get tired of speaking?"

He sighs and walks over to me and grabs the sleeve of my jacket.  
"What..."  
He pulls me towards the door that he opens with the other hand and then pushes me out.  
"Tell Mikey that you came to see how little Justin was doing and tell him that I don't need a babysitter. If I want to talk to someone who can understand me, then I'll call Seth. He was there when everything happened and he knows what it is like to be thrown out of your home. You didn't even tell your parents that you were gay, and before you ask, Debbie told me."  
"It isn't any of my parents' business who I fuck."  
"And I'm not any of yours." He slams the door and I stay there looking at it. It's so fucking silent all of a sudden but I can still hear him screaming that he's none of my business and he's fucking right... I know that...

I'm about to walk away when I hear Justin start to cry. I put my hand on the door and sigh. I'd knock and ask him if he's ok, but it's just a stupid question. He's a lot like me and I'd hate for someone to see me crying so I know that it's probably the last thing he'd like for me to do. So I turn around and walk away.

**JUSTIN P.O.V.**  
When I slam the door in his face, I feel like I just threw away something that could have helped me. And I don't even know why I'm thinking this. About him of all people. But what I know is that I wanted that kiss and I wanted say "_Do it_" when he told me that he wanted to kiss me again. And I don't want all this. I don't want to let someone else come close to me just to be hurt again.

I slide down against the door until I'm sitting on the floor and before I can stop it, I start to cry.  
I know that Brian is still outside and I know that he can hear me, but even if I'd like to have his arms around me again, I'm glad that he doesn't knock or say anything.


	7. The Best Damn Thing

_**Chapter 7 – The Best Damn Thing**_

_And yeah yeah yeah I'm a lot to handle. You don't know trouble but I'm a hell of a scandal. Me I'm a scene I'm a drama queen. I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen... __  
_  
**BRIAN P.O.V.**

_One love one shot. It's all we ever got. Boy you got me started. Now I'm not gonna stop. Now slide along side yeah baby that's right. I'm gonna show you the time of your life...__  
_  
I don't understand why I keep trying if I know that at the end I'm just going to fuck up. I try to be caring and kind and as soon as he starts to look at me differently than his usual "you-are-an-asshole-leave-me-alone" stare, I say or do something and screw everything up! But it's not my fault! All he has to do is stand there, look me in the eyes, and I'm lost. Me... Brian Fucking Kinney feels lost looking in a pair of deep blue eyes. I don't understand myself anymore.

It has been a week since last time I saw him. I came back home and spent two days without going out, except to go to work. I even started to make my own breakfast so I don't have to go to the diner. I wonder if he knows how fucking much he affects me.

Mikey came over here the other day and told me that Justin was always looking sad. I told him that it was probably about his asshole father and he said that he didn't know because Justin wasn't talking to him. He said something like "I was trying to help and what would I get in exchange? You look fucking depressed and he hates me." After that, I found a joint and we smoked and drank until Ben came to pick him up. That was two days ago. Now it's Sunday and I have to go to Debbie's diner or she'll come here to drag me out and the last thing I want right now is to hear one of her lectures about me being the asshole and all that crap...

**JUSTIN P.O.V.**

_I just wanna scream and lose control. Throw my hands up and let it go. Forget about everything and runaway, yeah. I just want to fall and lose myself. Laughing so hard it hurts like hell. Forget about everything and runaway, yeah..._

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?"  
I look at Dean and he just stares at me with a raised eyebrow.  
"There's nothing wrong?"  
"Uh-huh..."  
"Why don't you just go out and find someone to fuck?"  
I get up from the couch and Dean follows me into my room and when I lay down on my bed, he does the same.  
"I don't get it."  
I keep staring at the ceiling hoping that he'll go away if I don't answer him, but he knows me better than this. I feel a hand under my chin and find myself looking at him.

"I know the silent treatment and it's not going to work, Baby. Now. I was saying... I don't get what's up with you two..."  
"I don't know..."  
"Stop saying that you don't know what I'm talking about. You've been staying at home all week. You made me tell Deb that you were sick and when she said that she was going to come over and take care of you, I saved your ass. So now I want to know why you avoided the Diner and why Brian did the same because I don't get it."  
I turn again to look at the ceiling hoping that if I don't pay attention to him, he'll go away, but unfortunately, Dean knows me too well. "Stop with the silent treatment because it's not going to work."

I get up from the bed and go in the kitchen. I pick a bottle of water from the fridge and when I turn around to sit on one of the stools, Dean is there staring at me.  
"So?"  
"Leave me alone, Dean," I tell him, sitting down and turning my back on him.  
"It was him, wasn't it?"  
"Who?"  
"The guy you fucked the other day. It was Brian."  
"I'm not going to talk about it with you."  
Dean laughs. "You're sooooooo fucked."  
"What?" I turn around to face him and he has a smirk on his face that reminds me of Brian. Lately, pretty fucking much everything reminds me of Brian.  
"You like him."  
"No, I don't."  
"Yes you do and let me tell you something. Not every guy on the planet is like Seth."  
"Dean..."  
"You can't keep trying to push away everyone. You don't even know him, you just know what other people told you about him."  
"I can see myself that he's an asshole."  
"You say that I'm always an asshole too. But I'm not a real asshole with you..."  
I look at him skeptically and he rolls his eyes. "What I'm saying is that even when I'm an asshole to you, I'm not as bad as with the others and it is because I love to play with you. You get angry and answer back and you're just so cute when you do that, that I can't help myself from playing with you and I'm sure that it's the same reason that Brian has."

I decide not to tell him that he just told me, for the millionth time, the same thing Brian told me. They're so alike. And I know that if I'm able to be friends with Dean, I should be able to be friends with Brian as well, but Brian is irritating in another kind of way. When I get mad at him, I'd like to slap him and push him up against a wall and then I'd like to kiss him. It's his fault. He keeps confusing me. First he's gentle then he's an asshole. And I never know which is the truth.

"I don't want to find an asshole. I want to find a guy that cares about me."  
"Brian does."  
"You just said yourself that we don't know each other. Why should he care?"  
Dean shrugs. "There are times when you don't need to know everything about someone before caring about them. There are times when you care about someone because you'd like to get to know them better... to give them a try."  
I smile at him. "Since when are you so wise?"  
"Since you started to be a fucking drama queen."  
I shove him playfully and Dean leans over and kisses me. He lays his forehead against mine and whispers, "You are good at it."  
"At what?" I whisper back.  
"At making assholes fall head over heels."  
I laugh and shove him back again. "Stop it."  
"I'm being serious here," he says laughing. "You like him. You need someone that you like."  
"I like a lot of people."  
"No you don't. Not in the same way."  
"Dean, I can't stand him how can I..."  
"Right. Because nobody has ever fallen in love with someone that they thought to hate or couldn't stand."  
"I'm not in love with him," I say seriously.  
Dean nods. "I know you're not now, but that's the reason why you keep pushing him away. You know that you could fall for him and you don't want to. But newsflash Blondie, nobody decide who to fall in love with."  
"Now you sound like an old grandmother or Cosmopolitan."  
Dean laughs and shakes his head. "Every time we start having a serious discussion about you, you make a joke, but it's not going to work this time. This time, you're going to shower, put on your sluttiest club clothes and come to Babylon with me tonight."  
"Dean..." I start but he kisses me again.  
"No buts... just your lovely butt in a tight pair of CK jeans."  
He winks and then goes in the bathroom.

**BRIAN P.O.V.**

_I'm talking about blue eyes... What's the matter... your heart got broken on the underground. Go find your spirit in a lost and found. Oh I've been watching how you behave. Not much like a lover more like a slave..._

Deciding that I don't want to show how much I'm affected by Justin, I get in my club clothes and head towards Woody's.  
As I walk through the door, I see what a big mistake I've made. Justin is sitting with Emmett, Michael and Dean and they're all laughing together. At least now I know that he didn't stay mad at Mikey.  
I briefly think about just turning around and heading to Babylon, but when Dean lifts his head and our eyes lock, a devil smirk spreads on his face. I know that I'm fucked. He whispers something to Justin and I'm suddenly looking in the blue eyes that have haunted me for the last week. He has a strange look on his face, a mix between relief and annoyance and still, all I can see in the packed place, are his eyes looking straight at me.

I decide to walk over to them. I'm Brian Kinney and I'm not going to change my plans just because he's here. Fuck it!  
As I take the first step towards the table, Justin turns around and when I get over to them, Emmett is clapping his hands saying, "You're going to have all the men at your feet. I just know it. You put on quite a show last time you came" I see Justin blushing and I find myself smiling.  
"Em, I'm not drunk so I'm not going to dance with dozens of men."  
"That's a shame," Emmett replies with a hand on his heart in mock offence.  
Dean puts his arm around Justin's shoulders and looks straight at me still smirking. I wonder what the hell is going through his mind.  
"I bet that he's going to put on a show without even being drunk."  
Justin laughs and shoves Dean away and I found myself envious at the easy way they act with each other. I can feel Michael's eyes on me while I'm staring at Dean and Justin.

Dean laughs and kisses Justin on his lips and Justin blushes. I feel something that I refuse to acknowledge as jealousy and I'm glad when Mikey says "Well, I think it's time to hit Babylon."  
I look at him. "Where's the Professor?"  
"Away for a conference in Chicago. He left this morning."  
"It looks like it's going to be just us single ladies... just like in Beyonce's new song!" I glare at Emmett and Justin does the same while Dean and Michael laugh.  
"Don't you refer to me as a lady ever again," I warn him.  
"Geez I was just joking. What the heck got you so moody?"  
"Nothing," I quickly answer back.  
"Thinking about it, I haven't seen you all week."  
"Been busy," I tell him before turning back and going out of the bar.

********************************  
As soon as we walk inside Babylon, I go over to the bar and then to the catwalk and Michael and Emmett quickly follow behind, but when I turn around looking for Justin, I don't see him. I frown and look down at the dance floor, uncaring of Emmett and Michael's eyes on me.

Justin is dancing with Dean or to be more specific, they're almost fucking at the center of the dance floor. For the first time, I notice his black jeans and the blue t-shirt that hugs his torso tightly. It's strange that while we were at Woody's or walking to Babylon, I didn't look at anything but his eyes or his lips. Since when I don't look at an ass, just at a pair of eyes or perfectly shaped lips?

"They're hot," I hear Michael whispers to me.  
I turn around and look at him. He smiles. "I know that you're jealous, but they're just friends."  
"And how do you know that?" I ask before I can stop myself.  
Mikey shrugs. "Because since I don't want to fuck Justin, I can look at them without being jealous and I can see that even if Dean wants him for more than a friendship, Justin doesn't want the same and Justin is that type of person that you want close even if you can't have them your way, so Dean plays along. You don't have to worry about them."  
I sigh and turn to keep looking at Dean and Justin. Dean leans towards Justin's ear and whispers something and I see Justin nodding before turning around and starting to dance with another man. Dean leaves the dance floor with a tall blond heading for the backroom.

"Go talk to him."  
I turn again to face him. "Mikey..."  
"I'm serious. Go talk to Justin and try to be civil..." he kisses my cheek before turning towards Emmett. "Em, would you like to dance?"  
I follow the line of Emmett's gaze and I see that he's staring at Justin.  
"Emmett!" I almost shout.  
"What?" he asks me.  
"Stop it! Michael asked you a question. And try to keep your mouth shut. You're drooling."  
Michael starts laughing and Emmett looks at him confused. "Stop staring at Sunshine if you care about your life" Mikey jokes and I glare at both of them before walking towards the stairs.

I glance at Justin one last time before heading towards the backroom. I spot Dean just after a couple of minutes. He laying again the wall and there is the blond guy on his knees sucking him off and he has his eyes closed. I'm not totally sure why I came here but I kind of felt the need to talk to him.  
"Are you just going to stand there staring at me?" he asks suddenly.  
"I..."  
"Let me guess," he starts before opening his eyes staring straight at me. I can see why Justin would like to fuck him. I can't help myself from looking down at his dick going in and out of the trick's mouth. When I look up again, Dean is smirking. "You want to know if I want Justin." I don't answer him and he licks his lips becoming serious all of a sudden and pushes away the trick with a 'fuck off' before looking at me again. "I want him. I want him with everything I got. I want to be with him. I want to have him just for me... forever. I want to call him mine and know that it's the truth. I want to make love to him every night and in every fucking hour of the day if he wants to... I want to hold him when he's sad like I've been doing since I've known him. I want to be able to tell to the men like you that want him, that they can't have him. And..." he stops and briefly laughs, facing away, "most of all, I want to tell him that I love him and see the same thing in his eyes."

Dean looks back at me and I see sadness in his eyes. He shakes his head and sighs. "He's fucked up, Brian. He thinks that every man is going to treat him like shit that every man is going to cheat on him and that he'd never be enough for someone. It's Seth and his family's fault but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that he's fucked up and needs someone to trust..."  
"He trusts you" and I don't know why I'm saying this while all I want is to have Justin all for me.  
"It's not the same. I told him that I broke up with my boyfriend because I wanted him and that I was ready to give up tricking for him but he doesn't want that, not from me. I think that it's because he needs a friend sometimes and I'm his only friend, I know that he thinks about the gang as friends but it's not the same and not just because we fucked from time to time, but because I know what he's been through because I was there and if now we'd get together, he'd be alone when he needs a friend and I'm ok with this. I want so much more than this from him but I know that he can't give it to me and I'm ready to be just his best friend as long as I can be close to him. So, if you came here because you want to know if you can have Justin for you, then fuck off because he doesn't need you right now not if you keep thinking about him just like a trick not if you're not ready to let him in your life completely. He needs someone that he can feel is just his... so, if you'd like to have him, even knowing all this, then go out there and take him. I'm saying this like his best friend and not like someone that is hopelessly in love with him. But don't fuck it up. It's going to need time. He's going to need time. So be patient if you really want him but if you're just looking to fuck him again, then please leave him alone."

We look at each other in silence. I'm trying to think quickly about what Dean just said. I'm not like that... I'm not what Justin needs right now but deep down inside me, somewhere, I know that I can be that person if I want to. It's just too fucking complicated to think about a relationship with someone in a dark room and when you're Brian Kinney and people think that you're a selfish prick who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

"He's going to fuck that guy" Dean says out of the blue and I can see that he's disturbed at the thought just like I am. "You should do something about it. Start acting like you care and the rest will come along. Start to show him that maybe you remotely like him even if this is going to scare him away."  
In a second, his usual smirk is back in place and I find it hard to believe that it's the same guy that just told me how to reach Justin.

Dean starts to walk out of the backroom but I stop him. "Hey..."  
"What?"  
I clear my throat. "Thanks."  
He nods. "Don't hurt him or I'll kill you and I mean it" and then he leaves.

**JUSTIN P.O.V.  
**  
_And I feel so alive. I can't help myself. Stay there, come closer, it's at your own risk... _

Dean left for a trick half an hour ago. I was stunned when he told me that he left his Jason just for me and that if I wanted to, he would have given up tricking even though tricking is a part of him and I thought that he would have refused to change that part for anyone. And it makes me smile sometimes to think that since I told him that I only want him like a friend, he keeps on tricking. I hope that one day he'll find someone that could love him back like he deserves.

I feel the hands of the guy I'm dancing with, travel down my spine until they're resting on my ass. I briefly think about pulling back, but then I smirk and let myself be carried away.  
"I'm Damon" he whispers against my cheek and I nod.  
"I'm Justin."  
"Would you mind me kissing you?"  
I pull back and stare into a pair of light blue eyes that are looking at me with lust and I find myself happy that even if he probably just wants to push me up again a wall and fuck me, he's being nice with me.

"I didn't think that someone was going to ask me if I minded being kissed."  
Damon laughs. "We're not all asshole."  
I nod and smile at him. "You can kiss me."  
He smiles at me sweetly and then lowers his head until our lips are touching. I can feel his passion in the kiss and the erection against my thigh and as I let myself enjoy the sensation, I'm being pulled away.  
"What the..." I turn around and I found myself looking in Brian's eyes. He has this stupid smirk on his face but that quickly change when he locks eyes with Damon. "Fuck off" he tells him.  
"Look, Kinney..."  
"I said fuck off" and before I can say anything, Brian drags me off of the dance floor and towards the exit.  
"Brian!" I call but he doesn't answer me.  
I sigh and let him drag me outside. As soon as we are back in the street, I push him away.  
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"  
"I thought that you didn't kiss..."  
"And why would think that? Because I didn't kiss you while we were having sex?"  
I prefer to die than to tell him that he's the only one I can't kiss because with him a kiss is not just a kiss.  
"Why were you grinding with that troll" he asks ignoring my question.  
"It's none of your business."  
I turn around to walk inside to find Dean, but Brian grabs my arm and pulls me towards the alley.  
"Brian, what do you think you're doing?"  
"I want to talk."  
I laugh. "You? Talk?"  
"Yeah."  
He pushes me against the brick and put his arms on both sides of my head.  
"Why are you always so angry at me?"  
"Because you're irritating and annoying and I can't stand you."  
He rolls his eyes. "Really?"  
"Yeah."  
He smirks. "You know, people say that the line between hate and love is tiny."  
"Fuck what people say. I'm not gonna fall for you."  
He nods and looks away for a second before turning his head towards me again. His eyes are more open than I've ever seen and he seems to be looking at me searching for something and after a couple of seconds he smiles.  
"What?"  
"Nothing." I look at him confused.  
"Why did you drag me out of Babylon?"  
He shrugs. "First you hate Dean because he's my best friend and we kiss, then you glare at every man in the diner that says hi or just looks at me... now you drag me out of a club because I was kissing someone else that I was probably going to fuck or let fuck me..." I see him wince at the last words and I can't help but smile, "you look like a jealous boyfriend."  
He half laughs. "Yeah right, you wish."  
I laugh and look deep into his eyes. "No,_ you_ wish."  
"Please, you're forgetting who you're talking to."  
"So are you."  
He just keeps staring at me and I'm suddenly serious. "Do... do you like me?"  
"Define like."  
I look at him in disbelief. "You... you got to be kidding. I do not believe this!"  
"How do you think I feel? I haven't slept, I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach. Fluttering..."  
"Butterflies?" he doesn't answer me. "Oh no, no, no. This is not happening."  
"No one is more surprised or ashamed than I am."  
"You know, I adore all of God's creatures, but these butterflies? They've got to be murdered."  
He looks at me in silence and then says "Fine. It wasn't that great anyway."  
"Thanks."  
Brian stares at me for a couple of minutes and then goes away.

**BRIAN P.O.V.  
**  
_Scar tissue that I wish you saw. Sarcastic Mister know it all. Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause... Push me up against the wall. Fallin' all over myself. To like your heart and taste your health. I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl. Give to me sweet sacred bliss. Your mouth was made to suck my kiss... _

I've spent all my life believing that it was stupid to like someone for more than just one fuck, then I met someone that finally interests me for more than a one night stand, and he thinks that I'm not allowed to like him. Well. Fuck him. If I could help it, I'd stop thinking about him and wanting him right now.

I slid open the door to the loft and go straight to the JB bottle. At least, when I'll fall asleep totally wasted, I'll be able to keep his face out of my mind.

*************************

I wake up to a heavy pounding on the metal door. I look at the clock on the nightstand and I see that it's 4 in the fucking morning. My head still hurts from the drinking, but at least I'm more sober after four hours of sleep.

When the pounding doesn't stop, I get out of the bed and pull on a pair of sweatpants before going towards the doorway.

When I open the door, Justin passes under my arm and slip inside and next thing I know, he's pushing me up against the still open door and has started kissing me.  
"Sunshine..."  
He doesn't listen but just keeps kissing me and when the air is a necessity, he starts to lick down my neck. He's fucking drunk and will hate himself in the morning if keeps going.  
"Justin..." I say more forcefully. "Justin! Wait!"  
He keeps on kissing my neck. "Justin!"  
"I want you to fuck me."  
"You're drunk."  
"I don't care."  
"But I do."  
He stops and looks me in the eyes for a second and a little smile creeps on his face.  
It all lasts a second because then he starts to lick his way down my chest until my navel and then back up until he has my right nipple in his mouth.  
"Fuck" I hiss.  
He kisses me again on the mouth and then puts his lips against my ear and whispers, "I want you, Brian." Then I feel his hands starting to push down my pants. I try to push his hands away but fuck... he's just what I want... what I want so fucking bad. And he's here now and as soon as my fingers are in his hair, I stop thinking about all the rest and I know that now, I can't let him go.  
"Jus..." I breathe out.  
"Brian, just fuck me," he says and I take his head between my hands and crush my mouth on his, kissing him frantically.

When I pull back, it's just to close the door and then we're kissing each other all over again and Justin starts to walk backward towards the bedroom, pulling me with him.  
"This is bad," I say against his lips.  
"I know," he answers between kisses.

I pull the t-shirt over his head and unfasten his belt, pushing down in one move both his jeans and his underwear. He kicks his clothes away and then reaches for my pants again, pushing them down. The feeling of his bare skin against mine sends shiver up and down my spine.

I push him back and Justin falls on the bed, bouncing lightly, and I stop to look at his pale body spread on the blue sheets.  
"I want you so fucking much," I say and he smiles and raises his left arm inviting me. I kneel down between his open legs and he slides his left hand behind my neck to pull me down on him and crushes our lips together.

We kiss like we could die and never see each other again and before we knew what's happening, I have two fingers inside of him and he's slipping a condom on my dick.

"Aah... Brian... just... fuck... do it..." he says moaning and I've never head a sound more beautiful than this.  
I pull away my fingers and start to push inside of him and he puts his legs around my waist to pull me all the way inside him.  
"Fuck. I can't believe how tight you are."  
He pulls me down and kisses me and I knew that to kiss him during sex would have been great and it's just that... fucking great... it feels so fucking good...  
I pull out and push inside again and he arcs his back and sighs. "You feel so good," he breathes out.  
"You feel even better," I whisper on his lips before I kiss him again and again while I start to fuck him harder and faster.

We don't say anything else but we try to remember how to breathe while we're getting closer and closer to our orgasms. When I reach out to touch his dick, he slaps away my hand just like he did the last time. He whispers a "Don't need it" and then sighs and smiles and I can't help but kiss him and after a few more thrusts, we're both cumming.

I crush down on him and he puts his hands in my hair and I do the same. I turn my head to look him in the face but he's staring at the ceiling. "What happened?" I ask him, not sure why I feel the need to know, but he doesn't answer me.  
"Justin?" he keeps on being silent and I caress his swollen beautiful lips and sigh. "Hey Sunshine?"  
"It's nothing."  
"What is nothing?"  
"Don't want to talk about it."  
"Okay."  
I get up and head to the bathroom to start the shower for us, but when I come back in the bedroom, Justin is pulling on his jeans.  
"What are you doing?"  
"I know the rules. I'm heading home."  
"If you know the rules, then you know that I don't fuck anyone twice."  
"You just did."  
"That's the fucking point" I scream at him.  
He looks confused.  
"There are times when I hate you so fucking much." He opens his mouth to reply but says nothing. "All you have to do is come to Pittsburgh and then boom! I'm not the same anymore. You can't talk about my rules when you're the one that makes me break all of them. I've never chased anyone in my life and still, I've spent the last two months trying to fuck you..."  
"Well, you did it."  
"That's not the point" I reply softly.  
"Then what is it?"  
"You only see what you want to see. Dean loves you but you just ignore it... I like you and you tell me to not like you because that's not what you want... you want to see your best friend in Dean, so he's not allowed to fall in love with you. You want to see me just like an asshole that wants to fuck you and that's all you see and that's because you can't handle things if they're something other than what you expect them to be. You're using the fact that normally I don't give a fuck about fucking someone, just so that way, you can think that it doesn't mean anything."  
"Ok, I'm fucked up, so what?" he screams and now he seems really angry but this time I'm not going to back out.  
"Why the fuck you can't accept that there are people that care about you?"  
Justin doesn't answer but just looks away. I step on the bed and grab his hands pulling him down. "Brian..."  
"Shut up."  
He looks at me for a second but then lets me lay him down.  
"What are you afraid of?"  
"I'm not afraid."  
I sigh and look at Justin while he just keeps staring at the ceiling. "Just answer one question..."  
"What is it?"  
"Why do you think that no one could truly love you? Who made you believe this?" I already know part of the reason, but I want to hear it from him.  
He shrugs. "Everyone. My family, my friends, the guys... I'm just a little tired now. I think I'll take a break from it all..."  
"From the feelings?"  
"Yes."  
"Is it working?"  
He burst out in a bitter laugh. "Not so well."  
"Why are you here?"  
"Because you don't say that you love me and then cheat on me... you don't say that you're my best friend while all you want to do is fuck me... you're honest and you don't want anything serious from me." I bite my lips to stop me from saying that he's wrong. "But even knowing this..." he sighs and turns to face me. Looking right in my eyes, he whispers, "I can't trust you."  
"You just said that I'm not like..."  
"You're not, but every time I meet someone new I think that they're different, but it's always the same and I don't want to trust people anymore... It gives them the power to hurt me..."  
"You shouldn't talk like this."  
"Why? You do the same..."  
"True but you're not like me. Debbie said that when she first met you, you were full of life and that no matter what you always gave people a second chance... even your parents... I think that people who are so trusting shouldn't become assholes like me. It would be better if there were more people like you than like me."  
"Well, I don't want to be like that anymore."  
"So as long as I don't want something serious with you, you're not going to push me away anymore?"  
He looks at me for a second and then nods before furrowing his brow. "You said that you cared that I was drunk."  
"I did."  
We stay in silence and then he sighs again and sits up, starting to gather his clothes around the room.  
"Where are you going?" I ask him while he's putting on his t-shirt.  
"Home."  
"You can stay."  
"I don't want to..."  
"Why?"  
"You hate having people over..."  
"I would have kicked you out if I wanted you out. Tell me the truth."  
He seems uncertain for a second before shaking his head and starts to put on his shoes.  
"Is it because it would mean something?" I ask before thinking about it. "Because I'd care?"  
"It's just a fuck" he answer me.  
"Then you can stay..."  
"Don't do that..." he says turning to face me again.  
"Do what?"  
"Manipulate my own words to get what you want."  
"I..."  
"Doesn't matter."  
He puts on his leather jaket. "I'll see you around," he throws over his shoulder before walking out my door.


	8. It Ends Tonight

**Justin****'s P.O.V.**

_I can't explain myself at all. And all the wants. And all the needs. All I don't want to need at all..._

I know that I've been a shit to Brian. The truth is that he's right. I'm afraid and while I know that it's an excuse, I can't help it. Sometimes I just feel the need to run away. When he told me that he liked me, I was frightened and I felt like I was in a room where the walls were closing in around me. I felt suffocated and I needed to stay far away from him. Then I went back into Babylon and Dean told me that he was going back to Seattle and I've done it again. I got myself drunk and went over to Brian. It's like he's my pain management. Every time I feel things slipping away, I want to be with him and that me scares even more.

I thought that he didn't care and as long as he wouldn't care, I was ok, but then he told me that he did care and I felt every thing change. It's wrong, I know this, but isn't part of being human doing something even knowing that it's wrong?

I have my eyes closed as I lay on my bed. I hear the door being opened and a second later, the mattress sinks. I sigh. "Dean?" I whisper. I feel his hand stroking my cheek and I lean into his touch. His thumb brushes my lips and I sigh again. I feel him moving closer until he's on top of me and I open my eyes and find myself staring in a pair of light green eyes, shining with... I swallow... _love_...

While he pushes back the hair that is falling in my eyes, I ask, "Are you really going back?"

He looks away and I put my hands on both sides of his head and turn his face. He looks suddenly sad. "Dean?" I whisper. He leans down and kisses me lightly on the lips and then I put my hands on his back to keep him close. "Are you really going back?" I repeat.

He nods, and hides his head in the crook between my neck and shoulder before kissing my cheek.

I stroke his back as he leans on me. I wrap my arms around him and he fists a hand in my hair. I close my eyes before kissing his shoulder. Dean sighs and then pulls up, looking down in my eyes and then he kisses me again, but this time with a lot more in it... passion... love... sadness... And for a few seconds, I actually welcome the kiss. I put my right hand on his neck pulling him closer and deepening the kiss while my other hand rests on his lower back. I feel his tongue massaging mine and we moan into the kiss before he pulls back. His eyes are now a deep shadow of green and with the love that I saw there a few minutes ago, there is also lust.

"Justin..." he whispers in a deep husky voice. "I love you."

I stare straight into his eyes. "I know... I love you too but..."

"Not in the same way." He gives me a slight sad smile. "That's why I'm going back home." 

"You don't have to..."

"I have to," he says gently. "We both know that you're going to fall for him and... it's a stupid thing to say, but I can't stand the idea of that... of seeing you with him, knowing that you're his. When you were with Seth, it was different. I knew it the second I saw you with him that it wouldn't have lasted, but this time is different."

"Dean..." 

"I talked to him last night." 

"You did what?" 

"I talked to him," he repeats. "He really likes you. Don't throw it away."

I turn my head away but he puts his hand under my chin and forces meto look at him in the eyes. "Listen to me."

"I don't want to..." 

"He's going to give you a chance" he says. "I know his type and I know that it's going to cost him a lot to let you even remotely in... I know it because I did the same with you, but you can't love me and I accept this. I know that you can love him and you were my best friend before being the guy that I love... I want you happy and I know that Brian can be the guy that makes you happy. I told him that you're fucked up but aren't we all fucked up?" he smirks. "I told him to give you some time and I know he's not going to give up so just know that whenever you're ready, he's going to be there. Just don't make him wait too long." 

I stare at him letting his words sink in. After a while, I nod. "Why are you doing this?" 

"I told you. I love you and you're my best friend. He's the right guy for you..." 

"How can you be so sure?" 

"Because anyone else would have told you to fuck off a long time ago. Now, stop playing hard to get because you're just wasting time. I know you, I know that you have feelings for him just like he has feelings for you... work on this and stop using sex as a form of pain management. I know that last night you went to him and you two fucked, but it has to stop. You can't keep doing this to yourself…or to him. Be sure that the next time you two fuck it's because you're together and not because you're drunk." 

I nod again. "Maybe we won't fuck anymore." 

Dean rolls his eyes. "Yeah right. Now listen to me. Give the guy a chance." He kisses me lightly on the lips before getting up from the bed.

"Where are you going?" 

"I'm going to pack my things." 

"You're leaving already?" 

He nods and smiles at me. "I have a flight tomorrow."

"What's the rush?"

He shrugs. "Don't really know." Dean hesitates for a second and then says, "Look, I don't want you to come to the airport."

"But Dean..." 

"No. I don't want you to. It would be too much like a goodbye. I'm going to pack and say "_Later Baby_" and you'll say "_Later_" and I'll head towards the airport and that will be all. I don't want you there crying like I'm leaving for the war."

Before I can say anything, he smiles and heads out of my room.

**Brian****'s P.O.V.**

_I realize, I'm loosing and this is my real life. I'm half asleep, and I am wide awake. This habit is always so hard to break. I don't want to' be the bad guy, been blaming myself and I think you know why. I'm killing time, and times killing you, every way that I do. I can try and suck it up. I just can't suck it up. Make me feel like someone else. Please just follow me. I just can't decide what I'm running from. This isn't what, I wanted but, I can't keep my filthy fuckin mouth shut. It's not enough, it's never enough. I wish I could breathe without getting it stuck. I can't focus it, but I try it. _

"So, what are you really going to do?"

I look at Mikey and shrug. "I'm not sure. How can I earn his trust?"

Michael smiles. "What's so fucking funny?"

"Do you really like him. Wow." 

"Don't sound so surprised. He's hot."

"And we both know that isn't the reason why you want to earn his trust. Let's face it Brian." He puts his hand on my shoulder and looks at me seriously. "This is it. This is the time when you grow some balls and grow up." 

"Don't make it sound so definitive." 

He rolls his eyes. I sip on my beer and wave to the bartender to bring another one.

"You want something serious with him or at least that's what you said." 

"I didn't..." 

"I could see it in your eyes while you were telling me about last night." 

I sigh and look down at the bar counter. "I may want him for more than just a fuck," I admit and I don't need to look up to see Michael smiling. I sigh again.

"Then what you have to do is to show him that."

"How?"

"You might need to revise your rules. Like the one about dates for instance." 

I look at him disgusted. "I don't want to take him out on a fucking date." 

"Then what the fuck are we talking about here? If you don't want to take him out on a date then nothing is going to change. He'd still think that you only want to fuck him." 

"He said that as long as I didn't want something serious, we could hook up again." 

"So this is what we're talking about. Hooking up, fucking again... that's all?" 

"What else?" 

"For God's sake Brian, stop trying to fool me and you. If you just wanted him to fuck, then you'd get him drunk and fuck him. If you asked for my help, then it's something more and if you don't start to admit this to yourself, then sure as hell Justin is not going to come around and believe that is more than a fuck. Even if he says that he doesn't want something serious with you, you might want to reconsider believing him. You should take the first step."

"But I fucking did it," I tell him exasperated. "I told him that I like him and he ran away... he freaked out." 

"That's because he doesn't trust you. C'mon you, better than anyone else, should know that someone would say anything to fuck." 

"I don't need to make up excuses." 

Mikey slaps me in the head like he's Debbie. "What the fuck?" 

"Maybe you should start to put some sense in that head of yours." He stands up from the stool and puts on his jacket. "He's not going to let you in as long as you don't show some true interest in him and not with words but with actions. I'm not talking about telling him that you want to fuck him. Try something else." 

"Like what?" 

"I told you. Ask him out." 

"When hell freezes over." 

"Then you better go buy Lucifer a pair of skis because you're going to ask him out!" And with that, Mikey storms out. 

**Michael****'s P.O.V.**

It's been two weeks since I've heard from Brian. He refuses to come to the Diner. The truth is he's in denial, so he's trying everything to get Justin out of his mind. It's not working.

Justin acts like he doesn't care one way or another if Brian comes or not.

Ma told me that Dean went back to Seattle the other week so Justin isn't very friendly lately and I'm not totally sure if Dean's departure is the only thing that is bothering him. I just know that I'd like to shake some sense in both his and Brian's head.

"What's up with Brian?"

I turn my attention from Justin who's cleaning the counter to Emmett. "I don't know." 

"I haven't seen him lately. Well...outside of Babylon at least. And when he's there he doesn't even come to say hi to us," Ted says. "He just fucks everything that crosses his path."

I nod. He's been an asshole lately. Well...a bigger asshole, that is.

"I think that has something to do with Justin," Emmett admits.

I look at Emmett. "Why would you say that?"

He shrugs. "They're very irritable lately. Yesterday, for example, a blond twink went up to Brian at Babylon and Brian told him to fuck off and that he wasn't into blond twinks. Now, we all know that Brian is, at least, into one blond twink."

I see Teddy nod and I can't help but smile. Brian thought that he was being so cautious with his questions about Justin and the way he was always looking at him at the Diner or at Woody's or at any other place. I feel both Emmett and Ted's stares on me and I look at them. "What?"

"What do you know?" Ted asks.

I shrug.

"Oh oh oh! Do tell!" Em says, clapping his hands.

"I'm not sure that Brian would like for me to talk about this."

"I knew it!" Em screams. Ted and I look at him. "What? It was obvious that he had a soft spot for the boy." 

"Sure, obvious and totally crazy. I mean, we're talking about Brian Kinney" Ted says and I have to agree. If I didn't see first hand how Brian reacts to Justin, then I would have thought that it was the craziest thing ever to think about Brian with a crush on someone or maybe having something more important than just a crush.

Emmett looks out of the window and up to the sky. "Em, what the hell are you doing?"

"Just checking to see if the sky was falling down. Brian Kinney in love with someone. That's the end of the world."

"The end of the gay's world, at least," Ted says smiling and I roll my eyes. 

**Justin****'s P.O.V.**

I keep passing the dishtowel on the counter and for the millionth time I sigh. Debbie snorts. "Care to tell me what has been bothering you lately, Sunshine?"

"Nothing."

"Sure. Now, tell me the truth."

I look at her sighing again. "You look like someone just killed your puppy." 

"Dean went away..." I start.

"I know that. It was two weeks and half ago."

"Yeah and I miss him..." I trail off and she gives me a knowing smile.

"Uh-huh...But there something else isn't there?"

I nod and turn back to the counter.

"Has this something to do with someone that we both know that has been avoiding this place and the family dinners?"

I shrug.

"That's answer enough," she tells me sighing and putting her hands on her waist. "What did he do?"

"Nothing."

Debbie comes over to me and pulls the cloth from my hands before putting her index finger under my chin, making me look at her. "What did he do?" she asks again.

"He didn't do anything," I repeat. "I got drunk and made him fuck me and when he tried to be nice and to tell me to stay, I freaked out and left. Then, as if that wasn't enough, Dean fucking told me that he was going back leaving me here alone..."

"You're not alone."

"I am. I don't have anyone that knows me here. Sure Michael is a great friend but it's not the same and I..." I stop myself from finishing the sentence but Debbie nods and let go of my chin. "And you think that it would be better to do the same and go back to Seattle."

I nod. "I was thinking about doing it."

"Don't."

"Debbie..."

"You freaked out because you don't trust Brian, right?"  
I nod again.

"You should trust him. You see, even if he's an asshole, he's loyal to his friends and to people that he cares about."

"Why do people keep telling me that he cares?"

"Who told you?"

"Dean."

She smiles sadly and I look at her confused. "He really loves you, Dean I mean..."

"I know." I look away unable to think again about that look that he gave me that evening while we were in my bedroom.

"Do you trust him?" 

"Yeah."

"But he's an asshole."

"I know," I say smirking.

"But he's different with you, isn't he?"

"Always has been, even when he makes me mad."

She smiles this time happily and I can't help but smile back. "And do you care about him?"

"Yeah."

"And do you love him?"

"Yes just not in the way..."

"That he wants." I nod.

"Tell me, do you think that it could be possible for the two of you to be together? That maybe one day you could love him back?"

I shake my head. "There was a time when I thought it could have been possible, but not anymore."

"How did you know that you couldn't?"

"I just did."

"And let me ask you something... do you think that you could never love Brian?" I stare at her shocked. I don't want to talk about this. I don't like what Brian makes me feel..._ how_ he makes me feel...

"Sunshine?"

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" 

"Nope."

I take a deep breath. I'm glad that the diner is empty except for a couple too busy making out to care about our conversation. "I think that I could fall for him. Dean says that's the reason why I don't allow myself to let him in."

"And what do you think?" 

"That he's right." 

She nods and hugs me. "Brian is a good guy…no matter what he likes people to think." 

"I wish I was able to give my trust easily to people." 

Debbie pulls back and shakes her head. "You're right about being the way you are. Every time you trusted someone, except maybe me and Vic, you have been stabbed in the back, so it's more than right for you to ask people to earn your trust." 

I smile at her. "Thanks Debbie. You know, most of the time, you feel like a mother to me." 

I can see her eyes starting to water and she pinches my cheek before heading back into the kitchen.

*************

It's a couple of days later when I see Brian for the first time in weeks. When my shift at the Diner ends and I step out of the backdoor to have a smoke before going back home, Brian is standing there, with his back against the wall and with a cigarette between his lips. He barely looks at me before fishing for something into his pockets and then hands me a cigarette and his lighter. I stare at him trying to read his expression but he's just half illuminated by one of the street lamppost so I can't really see his face. I decide to take the cigarette and see if he wants to tell me something and I don't have to wait long to find out. As soon as I'm standing next to him with my back against the wall, Brian turns his head and looks at me for several seconds before taking a breath and talking.

"Mikey told me that Dean left," he simply says and I look at him with an arched eyebrow before taking a puff from the cigarette.

"Three weeks ago," I tell him and he nods.

"I know. Mikey told me a couple of days later."

"Took you long enough to come talk to me then." We both stay in silence after that, just smoking our cigarettes.

"I could have fucked you," he suddenly says and I turn my head towards Brian bewildered.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"After Dean left. If you had come to me like you did when your father died and after whatever the fuck got you upset last time, I would have fucked you."

I toss away my cigarette and Brian does the same before turning his body towards me and looking straight into my eyes. I'm not sure if he's looking for something or if he wants for me to look for something, I just know that we stay like that just staring at each other until he decides to speak again.

"I said that because it looks like I'm some sort of pain management for you."

"And you figured that out, how?"

"I had a slight suspicion about it after Michael told me that when we fucked the first time you had just gotten hurt by your mother. After last time, I'm pretty sure." 

"I was ok." 

"You didn't seem ok to me."

"So what? You fucked me out of pity?"

Brian shakes his head. "I don't do pity," he says and I don't know why, but I start to get angry at him.

"Of course not. Just write me a fucking list of the things you don't do."

I turn my back to him to walk out of the alley and go home when he speaks again and this time, his quiet voice makes me stop. Without turning around to face him, I let him talk.

"I don't do pity. I don't do relationship. I don't do love, holidays and birthdays." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "But most importantly, I don't fuck anyone twice. I'm not nice with my tricks and I don't want them to stay for the night so we can sleep together, regain some strength, and fuck again. I don't talk with my best friend about a trick and I don't spend my time thinking about him because he won't get out of my head. I don't do comforting and I don't go after anyone..." he trails off and I'm about to turn around to see what has him stopped when I feel an arm coming around my waist and then Brian's chin is on my shoulder. He looks straight ahead of us.

"Do you see a pattern there?" he says quietly in my ear.

"Maybe," I whisper and despite myself, I smile a little. "But I don't know about talking with your best friend about me or being nice."

"Well then, you must talk with Michael. I've been pretty much talking about you every time we got together and as for being nice, I can recall a couple of times when I've been almost civil with you," he tells me and I find myself nodding.

"And there is another thing..."

"What is it?"

"I don't do dates," he says and I try to turn around in his arms to look at him, but he holds me tight. "But I thought '_What the hell? Why don't break another rule?_' because I told you last time we were together that you couldn't talk about my rules since you were making me break all of them."

"Every one?"

"I still have some of them intact."

I frown a bit and turn my head so I can look at his profile. "Brian?"

"Mmmh?"

"You didn't take me out on a date."

"That's because I still have to ask you out. The problem is that I'm not sure that you'll say yes and I have a reputation. I can't ask for the first time in my life to go out to someone and risk being turned down."

Brian lets go of me and I turn around, looking up into his eyes. I don't know why, but I think that maybe I should do what Dean suggested and give Brian a try. "You might want to take the risk," I reply before I can have second thoughts about it. Brian gives me a small smile that turns into a smirk.

"That's a yes?"

I shrug. "You haven't asked me, yet."

He rolls his lips into his mouth and looks away for a couple of seconds before putting his hands on my waist and pulling me closer to him. "What do you think about coming over to my place and ordering take out?"

I burst out laughing and when I have my breath under control I tell him, "That could hardly be considered as a date."

"Why the fuck not? I'll tell you '_Justin__, I'll be waiting for you around seven this Saturday evening to have dinner together_' and it sounds like a date to me. We'll be somewhere together, eating, watching a movie..."

"I guess it's your version of a date?" I ask him and he nods.

"So, Justin I'll be waiting for you around seven this Saturday evening to have dinner together and then maybe we could watch a movie," he says and I tell myself "_Why not?_" and nod.

"If I don't have any other plans, I could say yes," I tell him smiling and Brian looks at me strangely, intensely, like he's about to say something really important. But then his lips curve into a grin and I look at him confused.

"What?"

"I'm going to have to behave myself. I'll have to think about hetero sex all evening on Saturday."

"Hmmm?"

"See, I have a problem. Every time I see you, ever since the first time, I want nothing more than rip off your clothes, bend you over, and fuck the shit out of you. Now, I'm sure that Michael wouldn't approve of me telling you this. He has these ideas about perfect dates that make me want to puke, but I thought that I had to be honest with you so you don't think that I suddenly turned into the perfect boyfriend because I don't know what the hell I'm doing or why you make me want to do it. I just know that I found myself asking Michael for advice about relationships and how to let you know that I kind of think about you all the time. This is so fucking strange. I swore to myself that I wouldn't have been caught dead on a fucking date; that I'll just fuck everyone I liked without second thoughts and it worked but fuck…" Brian shoves his hands through his hair and I put my hands on his and make him look at me.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want Brian. You don't do relationship, never thought about having one and never wanted to have one and I'm not going to force you into anything. I'm not even sure why I'm here talking to you about these things... I mean... fuck Brian... until three weeks ago, I could barely stand you, but then Dean made me think about you and I don't know... I'm kind of confused too and I don't know what the hell I'm doing either... and..." I stop to search the best words to make Brian understand what I'm feeling, but I'm pretty sure that he knows all too well how I'm feeling so in the end I don't say anything. After a couple of minutes, Brian sighs.

"I know that I don't have to take you out but, God I can't believe I'm saying it out loud, but I'm going to tell you what I told Mikey. I might want you around for more than just a fuck. I'm just not sure what I want you around exactly..."

I nod understanding what he's saying. Just before I talked with Dean, I thought that Brian was a prick and that the further away I was from him, the better. But it feels like it was a million years ago when we had that conversation. Now, I feel like I should give this thing with Brian a try... whatever the fuck this thing may be, but I don't want to rush things because I don't want to fall in love with him and risk being hurt like what happened with Seth. I want us to take things one step at a time.

I look into Brian's eyes again and offer him a smile. "I'd like to come over. I'm not really in the mood to go out somewhere so I like your... hem... idea of a date. And," I take a deep breath before going on because I want to be sure of having Brian's total attention. "I meant what I told you the last time we fucked. I don't really want to jump into a new relationship and risk being hurt again, but if... God and to think that I hated you not so long ago," I say more to myself than Brian. I see him smirking so I smirk back at him. "What I'm trying to say is that I don't need you down on one knee declaring your undying love and I don't need flowers, dates, presents, shallow words and romantic crap... so you don't have to worry or explain how you work. Just be yourself and… I'd like... to... you know... as Dean said, to give this a try. Take one step a time."

Brian stays silent for several minutes and I think that maybe he's going to re-think everything he said, turn back and forget all about this last twenty minutes. But then his mouth his suddenly on mine, kissing me slowly and his hands are back on my waist, pulling me closer. I sigh and start to relax into his arms, when he pulls back laying his forehead against mine.

"Thank God," he whispers and I laugh. "I'm not ready to jump into all that shit. I'm not even sure if I'm boyfriend material... but at least I'll get to kiss you and fuck you whenever I want to, right?"

I laugh and nod. "Yeah if the first date goes well, you'll get to kiss me whenever you want and don't worry about the boyfriend material, I'm not ready for a new relationship just yet."

"And what about the fuck whenever I want?"

"You'll have to earn that part."

He seems to think about it for a second before nodding and saying, "And another thing."

"What is it?"

"I'm not the kind of guy who brings roses, takes baths with his lover, makes love under the stars, has picnics on the floor or does something romantic as a surprise."

I look around us, we're standing in a dirty alley, near the dumpster, with the smell of greasy food in the air and the cars going by just five feet from us and I start to laugh. Brian just looks at me like I went suddenly nuts.

"You definitely don't do romantic stuff. Look at where the hell we are standing trying to figure out what the fuck we want from each other." Suddenly, Brian is laughing too with his head hidden in the crook of my neck, his arms around my waist and I find myself putting my arms around him, pulling him tighter against me. "I swear that if someone would have told me when we met that we'd be standing, hugged together in a dirty alley talking about dates and relationships I would have laughed in their fucking faces."

I feel Brian nodding before pulling back with a small smile still on his lips. "I'm kind of relieved that you're nuts enough to want to try something like this with me."

I just nod and Brian bends down to kiss me again but I step out of his embrace. "Wait. Were you waiting for me?"

"No, I was admiring the beautiful sights," he replies sarcastically and I just roll my eyes. "Yes I was waiting for you. Satisfied?"

"Yep," I tell him smirking. "But it took you long enough to gather up the courage to talk to me."

Brian nods. "Better late than never."

"Right." I sigh and look around. "I finished my shift and I was going home, want to come?"

Brian shakes his head and smiles. "I can't. I'd fuck you against your door the moment we got there. Well, I'd fuck you against the wall right now, but it wouldn't be nice to fuck you before our first date."

"We already fucked so..."

"This is different. We start new now. You were drunk both times we fucked before, so they don't count. I'll just wait until Saturday evening."

It's my turn to shake my head and laugh. "Whatever you say Kinney."

"Be on time," he tells me and I nod.

Brian takes a step away from me. "I'll go now. Well I'll see you later." And just like that, he gives me a small smile and then turns and leaves.

I start to walk in the opposite direction and I can't help but think that it feels so fucking crazy what just happened. I was mad at him when I first saw him, but then I kind of decided to listen to what my gut was saying, which was "_it's going to be great. Give him a chance._" The voice sounded suspiciously like Dean's but for once, I'm kind of happy that I listened to Dean rather than myself.

**Brian****'s P.O.V.**

I can't fucking believe it. I just went to the diner because I was in the mood to see Justin and the next thing I know, I was fucking asking him out. Well, Michael would be proud of me now. I asked a guy out and I don't think I'm going to die because I did it. If I have to be totally honest with myself, I'll have to admit that I kind of like the idea of spending my evening with Justin. I just hope that I won't screw things up all over again. I'm surprised, totally surprised, that Justin accepted, even more than I'm surprised that I asked, but I'm sort of happy that I finally found the courage after three weeks to talk to him and take the risk. I'll have to say thank you to Mikey tomorrow.

I throw myself onto the bed and within seconds, I fall asleep.


	9. First Date

_In the car I just can't wait, to pick you up on our very first date… Is it cool if I hold your hand? Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance? Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear? I'm too scared of what you think. You make me nervous so I really can't eat… Let's go don't wait. This nights almost over. Honest, let's make this night last forever... When you smile, I melt inside...___

**JUSTIN**** P.O.V.**

****"Are you still standing in front of the closet?" I sigh in the phone and look ahead.

"Yeah."

Dean laughs and I sigh once again. "I don't know what to wear."

"I can't believe that you're so nervous." He laughs again. "And to think that it's Brian who's never been on a date before."

"You're not helping Dean!" I pick out another black shirt and go stand in front of the mirror, looking at my reflection. Throwing the shirt away, I sit down on the carpet. "I don't know what to wear," I say again.

"Put on a pair of jeans, the red shirt and the black leather jacket."

"But it's a date and…"

"Justin," his voice is authoritarian. "He asked you out near a dumpster for fuck's sake and you're going over to his place not to the Plaza Hotel.

"I know this but it's important and…"

"Trust me. He won't notice if you have on a pair of jeans or an Armani suit. Now, try to relax."

"What if something goes wrong and…"

"What if I had wings? Jus, calm the fuck down!"

I look over to the clock and see that if I don't hurry up I'm going to be late. "You said jeans and red shirt?"

"Yeah. Now get a move on or you will be late!"

"Thanks Dean."

"No problem, Baby," he says before hanging up.

I've been so nervous today that I didn't eat. I spent three hours looking through my closet and I feel like a teenager on his first date. "I really need to calm down," I say to myself, retrieving the red shirt from the pile of clothes on the bed and the black jeans. I quickly get dressed and then pick up the keys and my jacket. I feel so fucking nervous that my hands are trembling while I lock the door to my apartment. I just hope that everything goes well.

**BRIAN**** P.O.V.**

"So, are you ready?" I toss away the fourth black shirt and shake my head as an answer to Michael's question.

"What if I fuck up? I've never done this before and he's been in a relationship for years. How many chances do I have that it will work out?"

Mikey stands up from the stool where he's sitting in the kitchen and comes in the bedroom. "I think I didn't really realize how much you like him until now." A little grin comes on his face and I glare at him making him laugh. "You are never nervous. Not even when you have a meeting with a multimillionaire client."

"Don't you think that I know?" I throw away the shirt and grab another one. "I keep asking myself if he will like how I dress, my stupid hair, what I want to have for dinner, if maybe I should have bought flowers or… or if it's okay to kiss him when he gets here or should I just say "come in" and nothing else? I feel like a fucking school girl."

"As I said, you must really like him. Relax. If he accepted than you're good. I mean, once you say yes to a date, it's clear that you're interested. So since he did say yes, you should just try to act as normal as possible because if you don't relax a bit, you're going to have a fucking heart-attack tonight." Laughing, he turns around going back into the living room to retrieve his jacket. "I'm going to go now. And don't pay attention to what you wear…" he laughs again. "Anyway, your shirts are all the same so just pick one out and stop queening out."

"Thanks a lot," I call after him when he's sliding closed the loft's door.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and I can't believe just how nervous I am. I guess it's because for the first time in my life, I really care about what someone is going to think of me. I should try to remember that Mikey is right… that if he's gonna be here, it's because Justin wants too…

I hear a soft knock on the door and curse silently, throwing on the first shirt I find and going to open it.

"Hey," Justin smiles as soon as the door is opened and he looks beautiful. "I think I'm a bit early. I was so nervous that I was afraid of being late and well… I've practically run all the way over here." A slight blush creeps over his face and I smile at him putting my hand behind his head pulling his lips to mine. We both sigh when our lips connect and I can feel the tension starting to leave my body just as Justin completely relaxes in my arms.

When we pull back, I lean my forehead against his. "Now I'm relaxed," he says and I laugh when I feel our erections against one another.

"I'm not sure that relaxed is the best way to describe either of us."

Justin looks down and smiles. "Well… you might be right."

I entwine our fingers, pulling him gently inside the loft and closing the door with my free hand. "I saw Michael leaving when I came up."

"Yeah, he was here trying to calm my nerves," I reply as I sit us down on the sofa.

"Dean was trying to do the same over the phone. It didn't really work." I look in his shining eyes and smile.

"If our places were reversed, I don't know that I would have been able to be such a good friend to you. I would probably have done anything I could to take you away from him and keep you as mine."

Justin turns his head a little so he's hiding it in the crook of my neck. "He's always been my best friend."

"Even when you fucked him?"

"Yeah even then." He sighs and looks up at me. "Do you think I've dressed nice enough? Dean said that you wouldn't have cared but I was nervous…"

"Dean was right."

He nods. "So, movie and pizza?" he asks smiling.

"Sure. I'll order. You choose a movie to watch."

When the food arrives, we put on the DVD of _'Giant'_ and for the first time since I've bought the white sofa, I let someone eat on it. We eat watching the movie and at some point, I feel Justin sliding towards me to find his head resting on my shoulder. I'm not sure that he's aware of doing it because when I look down at him, his eyes are glued to the television. He quietly moves his lips, following the movie's dialogue and I have to bite my own lips to prevent a smile.

It's not until we both have finished eating and the movie is over that we start talking.

I go grab two beers from the fridge and we lay down on the carpet, something that I've only ever done with Michael. I tell him about my family, about Michael and Deb, about my dream of having my own ad agency and not once do I feel like I shouldn't be telling him those things. He doesn't say anything when I tell him about the days I used to spend over at Deb's because my father would have beaten me up.

He looks at me in the eyes just once and I don't find pity there. All I see is concern and I briefly wonder if I would have been different if I had met him before. He stares up at the ceiling for a few seconds before closing his eyes and starting to tell me about his life. He tells me about when he was a kid and lived here in Pittsburgh, his family and how much he always loved his sister; how he hopes that she will come soon to visit him. Then he tells me why he left for Seattle and what was it like to be with Seth. He even tells me about his first meeting with Dean; how they ended up in the same dorm and about the first time they fucked.

I've always thought that having picnics on the floor, talking about life and all those things, was something pathetic that only the hetero-wanna-be's could ever do... but as I lay on my side watching Justin's profile, I don't feel like I expected to feel. I'm not bored, I'm not annoyed... I feel like all I want to do is ask him everything that comes up in my mind. I feel like I want to know every little detail of his life before me.

I don't even look at my watch once because I honestly don't care if we have spent ten minutes or ten hours talking.

"I miss him," he finally says when he has opened his eyes again. He doesn't look at me and I'm sure that it's because he doesn't want me to see the tears in his eyes. "I just realized it now," he quietly says still looking up at the ceiling. "He is my best friend and probably the only one I have left." The anguish in his voice goes straight to my heart and before I can stop myself, I'm holding his hand.

"What happened to the friend that was in the car with you and Dean?"

When my eyes lock with Justin's, I can see that he didn't expect for me to know and I understand that it wasn't just a coincidence that Justin never mentioned him. "How do you know?"

"Mikey told me the first day you were working at the Diner."

A few minutes go by in silence and I wonder if he's going to talk about it or not. Then, in a quiet voice, he starts speaking again. "I met him during my first year of college. I was Dean's roommate and Frank was in the room in front of ours." He quietly laughs shaking his head a little. "Frank's roommate was straight and used to fuck a different girl every night. When Dean and I met him, he was wandering around at midnight and we were just coming back from a party where Seth had taken us. Dean was drunk out of his mind and was trying to kiss me, Frank came over because he thought that he wanted to rape me." He laughs full force this time and his eyes are sparkling a little. "He tried to take Dean off of me but even drunk and high, Dean was stronger than him and they ended up wrestling on the grass. I tried to separate them and Frank hit me on the nose." He takes my hand and brushes my fingers over his nose. "See? It's a little bit crooked."

I smile at him and nod. "I didn't notice before."

"That's because Dean thought that since he had watched all ER's episodes, he was as good as a doctor. He pushed Frank away, stood up and took my nose in his hand and set it straight. It hurt like a motherfucker but at least it was helpful." We laughed together. "Frank started apologizing and when I told him that it was nothing, he said that he had to do something to make me forgive him and since that day, he started hanging out with us. The night he died, they were taking me to a club. Dean and Frank weren't the type of guys that wanted a real relationship so they didn't understand why months after Seth and I broke up I wasn't going out every night fucking as many men as I could. So they took me to a club and on the way home, we had the accident."

"You were drunk?"

"No. I wasn't having fun so we called it a night and left the club. The driver of the other car was drunk and stoned and hit us. There are times, when I wonder what would have happened if I just did what they wanted and we would have stayed in the club even a second longer."

"Hey, it wasn't your fault."

Justin turns his head towards me and I see that his eyes are full of tears. "I know, but I can't help it."

I pull him to me and kiss softly his lips. I feel his arms coming around me holding me tightly. I don't know how long we stay like this, but after a while he stops shaking and I know that he isn't crying anymore. He pulls away and looks up at me. I wonder if he's going to say anything.

Justin takes a deep breath before closing his eyes. "I was thinking about going back to Seattle," he says quietly and I don't know why, but I feel my body tense up. Well, maybe I have a slight idea about why I'm reacting this way. I mean, I've almost gotten used to the fact that I want him around and now he's talking about leaving for fucking Seattle. Before I know what the fuck I'm doing, I'm whispering, "Stay," and Justin's eyes snap open, looking at me surprised. Suddenly, the idea of lying down on the carpet talking looks like the worst idea I've ever had.

"What?" he asks. I tell the little voice in my head, screaming at me to run away, "fuck you" and look into the deep blue eyes that are staring at me expectantly. I know that the best I could do is telling the truth for once.

"I said stay. I... what's so special about Seattle? Pittsburgh is way cooler than..." and I'm cut off by Justin's lips on mine. He kisses me desperately, but slowly at the same time. The kiss becomes more intense, passionate and when he pulls back, his lips are swollen and his eyes are shining. A bright smile creeps on his lips.

"I can't believe you said it," and he's genuinely stunned. I laugh at him.

"_I_ can't believe I said it," I tell him and he laughs.

"So you're serious about this?" he asks and I know what he's talking about. But, am I really ready to take this step? To become monogamous, tell him that I love him, that I don't like not seeing him? He stares at me intently for a long time, searching for something I guess. After a while he bites down on his lower lip and sighs before lying back down on the carpet. "I guess I was out of line. We said we'd take things slowly and I asked you..." he trails off and shakes his head. "Never mind. I don't know what I was thinking." He glances at the clock on the wall and we both see that's it's three in the morning. "Fuck!" he shouts standing up. "I have to go. I have the morning shift at the diner." He sits down on the sofa putting on his shoes and then stands up picking up his jacket. He looks down at me and smiles.

"Can't you tell her that you'd like to take the day off?" I ask him as he's walking back towards me. Justin shakes his head.

"No I can't." He bends down and softly kisses my lips. Well, at least I know that he's not upset about me not answering his question. I grab his jacket pulling him down because I won't let him leave with a kiss that I would give Debbie. He laughs before letting me kissing him in a proper way and when I feel his tongue entering my mouth, I gently shove him back. "Go home." I tell him laughing. "I'll see you at breakfast."

Justin nods and quickly leaves the loft.

I look at the container of foods spread out on the coffee table and think back about our date. If this is what is it like to have a date with him, I might just do it again. Maybe I should have told him that I'm serious about what we're doing, but he's right about taking it slowly. I want to be sure that I can give him what he wants before I tell him.


	10. Feeling This

_I got no regrets right now. Fuck it! It's such a blur. I love all the things you do. Where do we go from here? Turn all the lights down now. Smiling from ear to ear. Our breathing has got too loud. We're taking this way too slow. This place was never the same again after you came and went. I'll always be dreaming of you. Place your hand in mine I'll leave when I wanna. Look to the past and remember and smile, and maybe this night I can breathe for a while..._

**Justin****'s P.O.V.**

It's been almost two weeks since Brian and I had that sort of a date and I can't believe how happy I feel. When I was with Seth, I was sure we were in love, but I've never felt the way I feel when I'm with Brian. I'm not even sure when it changed…when I stopped finding him annoying. But somehow, somewhere along the way, it happened.

I look up from the counter when I hear the bell over the diner's door ringing and I find myself looking at Brian's smiling face. There are times when I look at him that I find a little goofy smile on his face and I'm sure that I have the same look on mine. We're probably ridiculous in the eyes of other people.

"Hey bus boy," he greets me, going to sit down in one of the empty booths. I flip him the middle finger and he laughs. Michael looks between Brian and I and smiles, shaking his head. I can't believe that it's been just two weeks. We've been out to Woody's a couple of times and I was surprised to see Brian turning down every offer he got, but it was very pleasant.

I take my order pad and walk over to them. I smile at Michael. "Hey Mikey."

"Hey," he answers. I can feel Brian's eyes on me and I grin, purposely ignoring him. It's like being back in high school and pretending that you don't care about the guy you like even if you can't stop thinking about him.

"What can I get you?"

Michael looks at Brian and smirks. "A hamburger, coke, some lemon bars and a coffee."

"Anything else?" I ask as I'm writing his order down.

"Nope, thanks." I make a move to turn my attention to Brian, but Mikey says, "Hey, I was wondering if you had some spare time. I have a project that I'd like to run by you."

"A project?"

"Yeah, it's something that I've been thinking of doing for a long time now."

"Sure. I can stop by your shop when I get off my shift."

"That will be great." He smiles at me and I finally turn towards Brian who's frowning. God, he's such a Queen that can't stand not being the center of attention.

"Hey Bri."

"So now I'm here?"

Both Mikey and I roll our eyes and Brian scowls at us. "Just a coffee and a turkey sandwich."

I quickly write down his order and leave their booth to go place their orders. When I look back towards Brian, I find him still watching me and a big wide smile breaks on my face. Quickly, his stern look is replaced by that little smile that makes him look like a little kid.

I pick up the coffee pot and go over to them to fill their cups. Michael says thanks and Brian just pretends to ignore me. I roll my eyes once again.

"Be careful Sunshine," Brian tells me. "If you keep rolling your eyes that way, they might get stuck up."

"Brian, stop being an asshole to poor Sunshine," I hear Debbie's voice saying from behind me. I turn around and Deb pinches my cheek.

"You know Debbie I'm a little old to be poor Sunshine and have my cheeks pinched."

"Don't be ridiculous," she says patting my shoulder. "If Mikey can still get smacked upside the head, you can have your cheeks pinched."

"Then perhaps it's time to stop hitting me, Ma!"

She just glares at him before walking away.

When I hear the bell signaling that Mikey and Brian's orders are ready, I go to pick them up and as I'm placing them down in front of them, Brian gently grabs my wrist making me look at him.

"Are you busy tonight?" he asks in some kind of a whisper. I shake my head and he nods. "Then why don't you come over to the loft around ten?" Before I can answer, he pulls me towards him until our lips are touching. The first kiss is nothing more than a peck and he pulls back and looks into my eyes, as if he's looking for something. Then, he gently slides his left hand behind my neck bringing our mouths together once again and this time, we get lost in the kiss. I think it's several minutes later when I finally hear Debbie's voice calling my name. When I pull back, I see the lust in Brian's eyes and I'm sure that he can see the same thing in mine.

"Sunshine! Would you mind going back to work?"

Reluctantly, Brian lets go of my neck and wrist, gently shoving me back. "Now, Debbie why don't you give the guy a break?"

"Because if he had a break you would fuck him in the bathroom."

Both Brian and Michael laugh and I can feel myself turning red. Brian rests a soft kiss on my lips before starting to eat his lunch. I smile at him one last time before going back to work.

**Brian's P.O.V.**

Sometimes I can't fucking believe how domestic I act when I'm around Justin. He didn't even ask me to stop tricking, but somehow, it just doesn't appeal to me anymore.

We still didn't hit Babylon together, so I'm not totally sure that I can resist so many different types of offers but for now, every time we go to Woody's or we're at the Diner, I'm easily able to refuse everyone. I can read every time on his face how truly surprised he is and maybe this is the reason why I'm doing this. He didn't ask me to stop tricking. He never told me that he wanted a committed relationship. It's almost like he's willing to take me in whatever fucked up way I come. No expectations. No requests for me to change for him.

When I realize all this, I see how over reactive I am sometimes. How easily I freak out over nothing. Every time Emmett or Ted or even Michael do a joke about me being in a relationship, I almost feel the urge to do everything I can to make them see that no one can change Brian Kinney… that I will always be the same Brian Kinney… I almost feel like I have to do something to make Justin see that I'm not gonna change, that he can't have what he dreams of… but then I see him.

I see how he laughs at their jokes, telling them that we aren't going to get married or lock our doors… I see how easily he can understand that I need time to figure out all this, and somehow, my fears disappear because he doesn't push. He told me to take things a step at time and we're doing exactly that. He isn't telling me that he loves me every second… he doesn't expect that every time we're out, I'm only going to be with him… Michael acts more like my boyfriend than he does. Shit… did I just think of Justin as my boyfriend?

"Brian?"

I look over from my desk towards Cynthia. "What?"

"Vance wants to see you." I nod and she leaves my office.

When I'm sitting in front of Vance, he smiles at me. "I'm sorry to say this, but I fired the head of the Art Department."

"And you're smiling because?"

"Because now we will have someone that actually knows how to do the job."

"Who?"

He shrugs. "That's your job. But I'm sure that we can't find anyone worse than Tom."

"You expect me to do job interviews?"

"Yes, with Cynthia's help."

"Vance…"

"I will be away to Chicago for the next couple of weeks, so you will have to find someone. I'm sure that it won't be a big problem."

"I have to work on the accounts."

"And you need an Art Department in order to do that." He has this very satisfied grin on his fucking face and I have to restrain myself from punching him. "You can start looking at the graduates from PIFA."

"We need someone that has already worked for an ad agency, Vance."

"Yes, but every year we have interns from PIFA. I'm sure that someone will be able to do the job."

"We don't need someone able to do the job. We need someone who's a genius."

"Of course. I leave every decision in your capable hands. Now, you can go."

"Vance…"

"Brian?" he arcs an eyebrow like he's daring me to contradict him and since he's still the boss, there's not much that I can say.

"Ok. I will try to find someone."

"Excellent."

I can hear the water running in the bathroom and I smile. When his shift was finished, Justin went over to Mikey's and then came here, so he didn't have time to take a shower. And Justin is very firm in his decision no-kiss-until-I'm-clean. I offered to wash his back, but laughing, he declined.

I sit down on the sofa and his backpack catches my attention. I always see him sketching when he has a break at the Diner, but every time I ask him if I can watch, he blushes and distracts me with a kiss. Now I have my chance.

I look over my shoulder towards the bathroom to ensure that he's not coming out before I pick the sketchpad and start going through it. The first drawings are of some guy. He's very handsome. In some of the sketches, the guy is with Justin and in some he's with Dean, but Dean doesn't have a really happy expression on his face whenever is close to the guy. I guess this is Seth. It's the only man near Justin that Dean would hate. There are even some sketches of a little girl that must be Molly and some of the little girl with an older woman resembling both the girl and Justin. So this is the cold-hearted bitch that calls herself a mother.

Two of the sketches really catch my attention. In one there is Dean, Justin and another guy about their age that must be Frank. They all look very happy and looking at this sketch, I think I truly realize for the first time how much he meant to Justin. How much Dean must mean to him.

The other sketch is of Justin and who I think is Seth. They're lying in bed, looking at one another. Very much in love if the looks on their faces are something to go by. But considering how it turned out to be, maybe it was just the way Justin liked to look at them. I see a date in the corner of the drawing. It says '_April 2006_' which was three years ago. Maybe then they really were in love.

"Enjoying the show?"

I slowly look up and find myself looking into Justin's eyes. They're a deep blue… from what I've learned about it, this particularly shade of blue means that he's currently angry at me. Why in the hell couldn't I wait for him to be ready to share his drawings with me?

"Jus, I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are." He takes the sketchpad from my hands and angrily shoves it back in his bag.

"I just wanted to look at your sketches."

"Because I've never showed them to you?" He turns around, dropping the towel he had wrapped around his waist onto the ground and goes to retrieve his clothes in the bedroom.

In a second, I'm behind him, taking hold of his arm. His eyes are distant, and I can very well see that he's pulling away, probably more quickly than I can reach him.

"They're very beautiful."

"They're also very private."

"You have an amazing talent. You shouldn't be bussing tables in a diner." He lowers his eyes and I put my free hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry I've looked at them without your permission. I was curious."

"They're private," he repeats and I nod. "How…" he clears his throat and looks almost ashamed. "How many of them did you see?"

"Just until the one of you and, who I think is Seth, in bed."

He nods and gently pulls his arm out of my grasp and sits down on the bed. He spreads the blue sheet across his lap and I almost have to smile at how prudish he can act some time. "It was Seth just…"

"What?"

He looks towards the living room, cautiously avoiding my gaze. "It wasn't something real."

I sit down next to him. "What do you mean?"

"He never looked at me like that." He sounds almost angry and even discouraged. "And my mother never held Molly that way. I never showed anyone the sketches, besides Dean and Frank. They were the only one that could understand."

"So what's in the drawings is what you wanted to see?"

He nods. "Pretty much."

"Even the one with you, Dean and Frank?"

He looks up at me and his eyes held such a sadness that it makes me wanna reach out and hold him.

"It was after he died."

"So it was two years from Seth's sketch and the one with you and the boys?"

"Yeah. Things with Seth were going better so I didn't need to draw something out of a fantasy anymore. He was at home when he said he would be. He would make love to me for hours and hold me afterwards. He was with me, Dean and Frank every time they invited him out. It was going great… I didn't need that sketchpad anymore. Not until Frank died." Sighing, he wraps the sheet around his waist and stands up, walking back to the living room and coming back shortly after with his sketchpad in his hands. He gives it to me and then sits back down next to me.

"Look afterwards…" he whispers turning his head away once again. And here I thought that I was the one that didn't like showing his feelings.

I quickly flip through the pages until I re-find the one with Justin, Dean and Frank and then I flip over that page finding myself looking at a drawing of Dean and Justin. Kissing.

"That was after Seth and I broke up. I needed something to take my mind off of things. Dean was there with me all the time… I…" he trails off for a second before clearing his throat. "I thought that I would have been able to give him what he wanted. I was trying to image how it would have been."

Nodding, I turn over the next page. Soon, Dean's face starts to become mine. I glance at Justin who's biting his lower lip keeping his gaze fixed to the floor. The dates of the drawings are from after the first time we fucked.

Justin sighs heavily. "I wasn't totally ready to let go, you know? I didn't trust you. Sometimes, I still don't trust you or at least, I don't trust myself around you." At least he's honest. I'm not sure if I should be hurt from what he just admitted or not. I feel his hand sliding into mine and I look at our fingers entwined. "But after we first fucked, I started drawing you without even realizing it. I would pick up a pencil and the sketchpad and I would look at the page after an hour and your face would be there staring back at me."

"We look hot," I say smiling and for the first time in half an hour, I hear Justin laughing.

"I think so too."

"But you looked hot with Seth too." I look up at him and this time his eyes are a softer shade of blue. And he doesn't divert his gaze from mine, but instead he squeezes my hand in his.

"That's me. I look hot with everyone. You said you saw the ads I've done with Dean…" I nod and he smirks. "I was totally hot in those."

I laugh, pulling him towards me. Thank God he didn't totally close up on me. "But we're the better version."

"Definitely," he quietly whispers and closes the gap between us. As I feel his tongue seeking for entrance, the word '_ad_' comes back in my mind and I gently pull away from Justin.

"What?" he asks confused.

"I have a proposition for you."

He frowns. "Huh?"

I smirk. "Not that kind of offer. A job proposition. Vance told me to find a new head for the Art Department. You have the qualities that will definitely improve our agency and you already worked in an ad agency before, right?"

He nods, but seems unsure. "What?"

"Are you asking me because we're fucking?"

I shake my head, slightly hurt that he would describe what we have as just fucking. "No. I'm asking because I'm sure that you can be a very worthwhile asset for us."

"And I would enter as the head of the Art Department? What if the others employees think that I'm where I am because I'm your bo…" he quickly trails off blushing. At least he doesn't really think that we're just fucking around. "Because I know you?"

"Then we should just pretend that we don't know each other. Honestly Sunshine," I say sliding my arm around his shoulders and pulling him to me. "It wasn't that long ago that you hated me."

"It wasn't really hate," he says wrinkling his nose. I raise an eyebrow and he smirks. "Well, maybe just a little. I hated more the way you acted than you as a person."

"Well, since I'm a very big asshole when I'm at work, you won't need to pretend too hard that you can't stand me. And if you hate the boss enough, you may be likeable in the eyes of the other employees."

Justin nods and then becomes silent for several minutes. I watch all kind of emotions play on his face. I wonder if he's aware of how easy he is to read. Maybe it's just that I know how to read him. Suddenly, he's smiling. "I accept. I liked working in advertising before and it's not like I have a better job offer somewhere."

I extend my hand to him and smiling radiantly, he shakes it firmly. "So you take the offer, Mr. Taylor?"

"You can bet your ass, Mr. Kinney."

As we're still both laughing, I pull him to me, kissing his soft lips hungrily. I hear him moan into the kiss and I gently push him backwards until he's lying on the mattress and I'm stretched out on top of him.


	11. Always

_Your hands, they shake with goodbyes. Here I am, I'm trying. So here I am, are you ready? Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always. Kiss you, taste you all night. Always. And I will miss your laugh, your smile. Let's start this again for real._

**Justin's P.O.V.**

I grab his hand pulling him down on me once again. Laughing, Brian bends his head forward, stopping when our lips are mere inches apart.

"Tomorrow you will be my boss?" I ask, locking my arms around his neck and putting my right leg on his.

"Does it make you hard?" I feel his hand traveling down my abdomen. His fingers are cold, but I feel on fire as they lightly brush my skin.

"Maybe," I answer in nothing more than a whisper. Brian bites down on his lower lip just as his hand wraps around my dick. I let out a moan and he smirks.

"I bet you will be spending your whole day thinking about my dick…" He starts stroking me slowly and I close my eyes for a moment, focusing on the sensation he is creating.

"My dick up your ass on the table in the conference room," he starts kissing and nipping my neck. "In the restroom while I'm pressing you up against the wall…" Brian gently licks my collarbone and starts picking up a quicker pace with his hand. "And while I'm living my fantasy, fucking you hard and fast on the copy machine…"

Even though his hand is still stroking me and his lips are still kissing my skin, I laugh. Brian stops his ministration, resting his chin on my belly and tilting his head to the side, staring at me.

I sink my hands into his soft auburn hair. "Are you telling me that after all the years you've been spending in that agency, you never fucked someone on the copy machine?"

"No, you will be my first." An evil little grin creeps on his face and I smile softly at him.

"I will be the first of something for Brian Kinney?" I laugh and something changes in Brian's eyes. They become softer and this is one of those moments when I'd like to be a mind reader, to be able to see what is going on in that head of his.

He leaves a kiss on my navel before sliding down, accurately ignoring my erection. "Bri…"

"Patience," he whispers. His hot breath caresses my skin and I sigh. Being with him is so… so different. In so many ways…  
Every time I realize this, I get angry at myself because not so long ago, I used agree with what everyone else thought of him. I never took the time to know him before condemning him.

I feel a gentle kiss being left on the inside of my thigh and then Brian's mouth is around my dick. I gasp and arc under his body. I feel him taking one of my hands from his hair and threading our fingers together. Seeing how he is with me, I can't help but feel special.

**Brian's P.O.V.  
**  
The morning of the job interview with Cynthia, Justin was nervous as hell, but it's nothing compared to how he is now.

When I went to pick him up yesterday, I made him take his clothes for today with him. When we woke up this morning, we showered, had breakfast and came to work.

He insisted he be dropped off away from the agency, saying that he didn't want to be seen as 'Kinney's Protégé.' I told him that he was crazy, but I dropped him off nonetheless. He was already nervous and I didn't want to get into a fight with him.

So now here we are in the elevator. Twenty strangers between us. He's standing on the other side of the lift, but sometimes he looks up and our eyes lock.  
He reminds me of a little kid on the first day of school. So eager to find someone who will like him…

He's fidgeting with the sleeve of his jacket and I hate that there are so many people in here that I can't do anything for him. 'Cause otherwise, I would be kissing him, making him forget about every one of his concerns and so he could be his usual adorable and charming self.

When we get to the Art Department's floor, I quickly but subtly step closer to him and grab his backpack, stopping him from getting off. He looks up confused, but I smile and he relaxes.

When we're almost at the last floor and it's just the two of us in the elevator, I push him up against the wall and kiss him. It's about one second later that I feel him completely relaxing against me and his arms wind around my neck.  
I pull away quickly, because we can't risk getting caught. I lay my forehead against his for a moment and then take a step back.

"Thanks," he whispers.

"You're welcome. You looked like you needed it."

"What if I don't like them? What if they don't like me? I'm so young and they've been working here for so long and then boom!" he claps his hands together, breathing heavily. "The new kid is the boss!"

God, he's just so lovely right now. I can't believe all the terms of endearment that I'd hate with everyone else, but that are natural for me when it comes to him.

"For the last time," I tell him, "You're here because you earned it! Remember? This is why Cynthia was the one interviewing you for the job and not me. Stop worrying about it." I take a step closer to him, putting my hands on both sides of his face, making him look straight into my eyes.

His pupils are dilated and frantic, reminding me of Bouképhalos. I can almost feel like Mégas Alexadròs, the only one knowing how to dominate him.

"Go there; make them see that you're the best one because that's what you are. And if you need a break, come see me." I smirk at him. "You're the boss. They don't need to accept your position, but just know which it is."

For a couple of seconds he just keeps staring at me but then smiles and nods. I quickly kiss him just as the elevator stops at my floor.

"Third floor," I tell him. "Go there and wow them."

I step out and just before the doors close again, I see him blowing me a kiss and I laugh. I just love having him around.

**Justin's P.O.V.**

So, this is my first day at work and I'm totally nervous. I feel like I'm ready to jump out of my skin, which is totally ridiculous. I mean, I've worked before. Fuck I was working 'till two days ago! But this time it's different because there is Brian.

I sigh. Yep, Brian... I'm so fucking terrified to disappoint him.

I see Cynthia coming out of the Art Department and she smiles at me. I try my best to smile back at her when she stops right in front of me.

"Hey there, Boss! You're late," she says winking.

"Yeah I... I got..." I mumble, making Cynthia laugh.

"It's ok. Brian gets here late all the time. Relax, they're artists, they aren't going to pencil you to death," she laughs again at her own joke and I gulp.

"Yeah, sure."

Cynthia wishes me good luck and leaves. I feel like a two year old as I'm opening the door to the Art Department. I must look totally stupid. It's not like I'm heading into a room full of murderers, I know that, but I can't help it.

When I open the door, all eyes set on me.

"It's not Kinney," someone shouts and I could almost swear to see a couple of the guys sighing and muttering a 'Thank God!'

I clear my throat before starting to speak. "Hey," perfect, now I sound like I'm the new intern, "I'm Justin Taylor, the new boss."

A guy probably a couple of years older than me walks up to me and extends his hand. "Welcome aboard, Boss. Cynthia told us to behave so we aren't going to bite your head off, at least not today."

I shake his hand and actually laugh. I can feel part of the tension leaving my body. "It's great to be aboard," I tell him and he walks away smiling.

A woman with long brown hair tied up in a ponytail that is standing a couple of feet away from me catches my attention waving her hand. "I'm Millie, your secretary. You can walk around and meet every one later, but now we need your help."

I nod. "Just show me everything."

She nods and I follow her around the office.

The rest of the day goes great. I've even skipped lunch break to finish what I was working on in time. The stress I was feeling before starting this morning practically disappeared. Brian came down to the art department once. Everyone looked at him like he was some sort of enemy or something like that. I had to stop myself from laughing.

Tina, one of the interns from PIFA, told me that everyone is scared of Brian. They say that he's always yelling and demanding. And the more I get to know Brian, the more I'm sure that there are like thousands of different Brians all bottled up in him. It's funny cause this way he always has a way to surprise me.

So, here we are now. In the elevator just like this morning, but this time there is me, Brian and Cynthia. She keeps looking at me smirking and Brian is pretending not to notice me or her or the way she's looking at me.

"You know, Boss," she suddenly says, "Justin today did an amazing job. I used the lunch break to talk to his co-workers," another smirk in my direction. "And they were all very happy about our choice. Fred told me 'Say thank you to whoever decided to hire him'."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Brian nodding briefly. Then, finally, the elevator stops.

"Well, good night gentlemen," Cynthia says waving at us.

I tell her good night while Brian just says "Be on time tomorrow."

I can hear the voice inside my head counting one, two, three, and then Brian grabs my hand and starts walking faster. As soon as we're at his car, he pushes me up against the side and kisses me. It's a deep kiss but not in a sexual way. It's just an 'I missed you, what took you so long to come back?' kind of kiss. And I find myself smiling against his lips.

He takes a step back and as always, leans his forehead against mine. "So..."

"So?" I ask smiling and I'm sure that I must look like a fool right now.

"How was your day, dear?"

I playfully slap him across the chest before laughing. "It was great."

"Can I say I told you so?"

"No, you're not allowed. I even heard some great things about you," I tell him while I'm turning around in his arms to open the car door.

"Great things?" he asks me while he walks around the car to get to the driver's seat.

"Yep," I smirk and he arcs an eyebrow. "But I'm not telling you."

"So they're not really great. Just tell me who I have to fire."

We get inside the car and Brian turns on the engine. "Oh no. I won't be your spy."

"You started with the 'they said great things about you' thing." He pulls out of the parking lot of the agency and starts driving across town. "Now, talking about important things," he smiles, looking for a second in my direction. "I saw the boards you made. They were great. You even surprised me."

I feel myself start blushing and divert my gaze from his face starting to look out the window. "You serious?"

"Yeah, just, don't skip lunch break to work. You don't need it. That's something that incompetent employees do. They can't get something right at the first try, so they need to stay up late or work during the lunch break and..."

"You canceled on me more than once because you had to stay late at work to work on some campaign," I tell him smirking and crossing my arms.

A small smile creeps up on his face. "I'm the boss. I have more work to do," is his simple reply.

"Stupid fucking son of a bitch," is the first thing that leaves Brian's mouth as soon as I have the door opened.

"Hello to you too, dear," I say sarcastically. I close the door and wait for Brian to calm down. When I see him start pacing the living room, I quietly go to sit down on the sofa, crossing my legs under me. "Wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"I've been bringing gallons of money into that agency for years now and that piece of shit..." He stops abruptly and looks at me. "Do you know what the hell he told me while I was leaving the office to come here?"

I shake my head, but before I can say anything, he has already resumed his frenetic speech. "That if I want to make partner, I have to show him how irreplaceable I am!" He flops down on the sofa next to me and I let a few minutes go by in silence, giving him time to calm himself down. This is the first time I have ever seen him this way or that he let me see him so…vulnerable?

Anyway, I knew that Vance was an ass, but to tell those things to Brian? I mean, I've been working there just for a little while now, but even I know that he's the best Ad Man out there!

I take a breath and look at Brian. "Do you have a plan?" I finally ask. He nods. "Then do it."

He stops frowning and finally looks at me. "There is a client that Vance has wanted all his life, but never got. When he became the boss, I told Cynthia to check on him and we found out about this client. We decided to keep it to ourselves in case one day we would have needed the information."

I smile understanding where he's going. "You wanna catch the client to show Vance that you're the best and that he's a stupid fuck for even thinking of replacing you?"

He smirks and nods. "That's the plan. But if I want to do it, I have to leave for Chicago by tomorrow. Cynthia already checked, using one of her mysterious way to know everything, that after tomorrow the client's leaving for a business trip to Europe. "

Nodding, I straddle his lap, putting my arms around his neck and laying my forehead against his. "Then go get him tiger."

He laughs. A full, happy laugh that I've never heard him make and I kiss him until we're both breathless. When he pulls back, his eyes are glazed over with lust and I smile at him. "I'm sure that if there is someone able to catch that client, it's you Mr. Kinney."

He leaves a little kiss on my lips. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

I stand up and extend my hand to him. "You can thank me properly if you want," I tell him in what I hope is a seductive tone.

"What do you have in mind?" he asks me, standing up and taking my hand.

"Fuck me so hard that I will feel you in me for as long as it takes you to come back."

He pulls me up against him until my feet are barely touching the ground. "It would be my pleasure."

**Brian's P.O.V.**

As soon as my plane lands, I take a cab and tell the driver the address of the Brown Athletics' offices. Cynthia was able to find out that Brown leaves town early tomorrow morning, so I have to catch him today. I just hope that he'll be at the office.

When Vance told me that I needed to give him a proof that I was truly the best Ad Man out there, I was ready to punch him. In all the years I've been working for the company, before he bought it, about 90% of the income was all thanks to me. But obviously, he doesn't care about this. He's still the great new boss, so he wants to believe he has power over people and is the only one really irreplaceable for the agency, but he's just a delusional moron.

There isn't a lot of traffic in the city, so we arrive at Brown Athletic in about half an hour. I look at the watch. It's noon so he's probably out for lunch, but I'm ready to wait for him and then bang! He will be mine! Justin was right. If there is someone that can convince Leo Brown to sign a contract with an Ad Agency, that's me.

"It's $30, Sir," the driver tells me as soon as he stops the taxi. I hand him a $50 and get out of the car. I plan on going back this night or at the most to catch the 7.30 plane tomorrow morning.

Getting to the office of Leo is pretty simple. All I have to say to the girl at the entrance is that I have a last minute appointment with Mr. Brown before he leaves town. I smile at her and she lets me go to Leo's office on the top floor.

And this is where things get complicated. His personal assistant looks as professional as Cynthia.

He asks me if I have an appointment, but the excuse I used with the girl at the reception, won't work this time. So, since I can very well see that he's gay, I try to seduce him. I told myself that I'm ready to do everything to get this account, but there's Justin and...

"He's not here anyway," the assistant tells me, pulling me out of my thoughts. "So, I can make an appointment for two weeks from today. Mr. Brown is a very busy man, you know."

God, could he be more annoying? "I really have to see him. So, if you'd be so kind to..."

"As I said, Mr.?"

"Kinney."

"Mr. Kinney, he's not here and tomorrow he's leaving town for a business trip."

"I know that he's leaving, and that's why I came here without an appointment."

He crosses his hands on the desk and checks me out. Oh please!

"Tonight he's having a drink at the Business Club. I could maybe get you an invite..."

I smile. "Yes, that would be great."

"But you have to do something for me." And I don't need to hear his request. I can very well guess.

I think of Justin. Sure I haven't tricked in front of him, or, to tell the truth, I haven't tricked since we got together, but he knows how I am, that was why he wouldn't give me a chance so...

Yeah, he gave you a chance despite his better judgment, because you wore him out, and you want to throw it away? I can hear a voice inside my head saying.

"I get that it's very important, the reason why you're here, right Mr. Kinney?"

I gulp and look away for a second. Once again, I tell myself that Justin simply knows me. I'm sure that... it's better not thinking about it right now.

"Where's the restroom?" I ask huskily.

**Justin's P.O.V.**

It's strange realizing just how much I miss Brian. This was the first time since we got together that we haven't seen each other for more than a few hours. I feel like a little girlfriend sometimes. Like I felt when I first got together with Seth. He was so awesome, or so I thought, that he became the center of my world. I mean, pathetic right? But I was just fifteen or something, so...

As I'm putting in order some sketches for the ads that I will have to show Brian as soon as he gets back from Chicago, Mike comes over to me smirking. "Brian has got another one."

Raising an eyebrow, I look at him confused. "Another client?"

Mike nods and chuckles. "You've been working here just for a couple of months so you probably don't know this, but he's been using this way to ensure the contracts to this agency for years now. This time, he's got the greatest client he could get. He really must be as good as they say. Not that I care since I'm straight, but..."

I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose like I saw Brian do so many times before. "Mike," I tell him calmly, "First, I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Second, gossip is not really something..."

He shrugs and cuts me off. "It's not gossip. It's the truth. He fucks all the gay clients to ensure the contract. And even some married with wives and kids at home. No wonder that he doesn't have a boyfriend. I mean, who would like to be the little wife at home knowing that his partner is fucking his way to the top?"

I frown. I know that nobody here knows that Brian and I have been together for months now, so it's not like Mike is saying these things just to piss me off (and I am not going to believe something like this) but it's just so fucking low...

"Mike," I hope that my voice sounds as menacingly to him as it does to my own ears. "I'd really appreciate it if you would restrain from talking about Mr. Kinney's personal life during working hours. He's still your boss."

"I was just saying," he says with another shrug. He turns his back to me and leaves the Art Department, leaving me with an uneasy feeling spreading inside me.

I look at the clock hanging on the wall. It's almost seven. Brian was going to come back last night but obviously, he had to take the plane that was leaving Chicago this morning or the later one maybe... I sigh. It's just that at lunch break Mark told me those things so Brian had to be back or he wouldn't know that he caught the client. And even if I feel stupid thinking it, this leaves me with the question of why he still hasn't come see me.

It's not that I'm angry at Brian because he didn't come to me as soon as he stepped inside the Agency today, but I've missed him like crazy. So, since it's almost closing time, I decide to go see if maybe he's with Vance or if he's in his office. Maybe we could leave together and go celebrate.

I grab some boards so I have an excuse to go to his office, if anyone asks me anything, and then take the elevator to his floor. When I step out of it, I look around. It looks like there's no one left.

I walk over to Brian's office and see the door half opened. The light is on and Cynthia's voice can be heard coming from the inside. I'm about to knock when something that they're saying catches my attention. "So, who did you have to fuck to get to Leo Brown?"

I heard Brian quietly laughing and I feel like I'm going to throw up in a second because I already know what he's going to answer. "Just the assistant. I fucked him over the copy machine. He didn't want to tell me how to meet his boss, but with my dick up his ass, he was so much more than eloquent."

Both Cynthia and Brian laugh. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, it's common knowledge how you got many of your accounts and your offer to New York."

I hear Brian huff. "Don't remind me. That little fuck assured me the job and it turned out to be just a lousy fuck."

"You know Brian, I wonder what will happen when you finally find someone that you like enough to make him your boyfriend or your partner."

There is silence for a few seconds and I almost wish I could turn back time and erase everything I heard or to simply turn around and leave. But I can't. It's like my feet are glued to the carpet. When he says "Never will be," I'm not surprised. I put the boards down on Cynthia's desk and then quickly go back to the Art Department, retrieve my things and leave.

**Brian's P.O.V.**

I felt like shit all day today and even yesterday as soon as I finished fucking the assistant. He didn't want to go into the restroom because in that way someone would have gossiped about him, or so he said, and got me to fuck him on that stupid copy machine. I felt a total asshole as soon as I heard myself saying, "Sure."

What the well was I thinking? Sure as hell wasn't the first time that I fucked someone to get what I wanted, but all I was able to think about was that Justin should have been the first I've ever fucked on a copy machine. And I took that away from us. For a client. I wasn't even able to feel as good as I normally feel when I get an important account.

So I left Chicago as soon as Leo had the contract signed, but I couldn't face Justin just then. I went to the loft, tried to sleep and then spent the morning asking myself if I had to tell him what I did or not. By the time I came to work I still didn't have an answer. I went to Vance's office and then back to mine to catch up on work and with Cynthia. In a few words, I avoided Justin.

But when I went down to the Art Department and Justin wasn't there, I was surprised that he had already left. Then I thought that maybe he didn't know that I was back. And this is why I'm currently standing outside his apartment knocking and with a bottle of champagne in my hand.

When Justin finally opens the door, I can immediately see that something is wrong. He doesn't really look at me in the eyes and isn't smiling like he usually does when I come here. But he steps aside nonetheless, letting me come inside. Maybe he had a fight with Dean or a bad day at work.

I smile at him trying to light him up, waving the bottle of champagne in the air. "Congratulate me Sunshine! Your partner just made partner!"

He gives a brief humorless laugh and goes to sit down on the sofa staring blankly at the television which, I may say, is turned off. "Justin?"

"Partner huh?" He gives another bitter laugh but still doesn't look at me.

I pull off my coat and put down the champagne in the kitchen before going to sit down next to him. "What's wrong? Did you fight with Dean? Bad day at work?"

"You didn't come see me when you came back," he tells me. So it's just this... good. I was starting to worry.

"I was busy," and I don't even know why I'm lying.

He nods. "Yeah I figured out that you were busy with Vance and that's why I wasn't angry. That's why I came to your office before leaving work."

I frown. If it was before I got back to my office, Cynthia would have told me and if it was after, he sure had to know that I was in there since when I went looking for him he was gone. "When did you..."

"Between the 'I fucked him over the copy machine' and the 'never will be'."

Fuck! "I..."

He turns quickly his head towards me and I'm almost afraid by the intensity of his gaze. "You what?"

I can feel myself sliding dangerously quickly into being an asshole.

"Never mind it's not important," he says.

"You aren't my boyfriend. I never promised you monogamy and all that shit. How I handle my business, it's none of your concerns," I hear myself saying. God, could I be more of an asshole?

I wait for a full-queening-out moment, but he just nods. "I know. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I mean, the fact that you haven't been fucking in front of me, didn't mean that you weren't doing it behind my back. And I shouldn't feel betrayed right now, but I can't help it. Sorry if I act like a jealous wife that feels like she's been cheated." He stands up and when I move my hand to grab his wrist, he quickly takes a step back.

"But I can't help it. Because right now, I feel betrayed. Because you told Cynthia that there would never be someone important in your life. Because you fuck every client. Because you fucked your way to the top and you didn't think that I should have known, when I came to work for you, that if someone told me laughing that you were in the bathroom fucking some of the accounts, it was just normal." With every word, Justin's tone raises and by the end he's almost shouting. I can see in his eyes and hear in his voice, the tears that he's trying to hold back. "I guess that I'm the stupid blond who thinks that one day he will find a man that will not want anyone else but him. I should have just fucking said yes to Dean."

What? "Justin..."

"I know. I'm pathetic. I'm some sort of hetero-wanna-be but you know what? That's who I am. That's what I am." He turns his back to me and storms off in the direction of the bedroom. I briefly think about leave it at this. I always knew that the couple-life wasn't something made for me, but right now, I know myself well enough to admit that I won't like living without him.

So I walk over to his door. I can hear his sobs deadened from a pillow. "Jus?"

"Go... go away... B... Brian..."

I take a deep breath. "It has got nothing to do with you, Sunshine. I may have fucked the assistant of Leo Brown, but it was the first man I've fucked outside of you in months. Believe me or not, it's the truth. No matter what those assholes at work could have told you." I lay my forehead against the door and sigh. I can picture him under the covers, hugging a pillow and trying with all his might to stop crying. I'd like very much to knock this fucking door down and take him in my arms.

When several minutes go by without an answer from him, I smile. "I know that right now you want me to leave you alone, but you know me well enough to know that I won't do that. We will just have to start all over again because I'm not going to let it go. I will stalk you even more than I did in the past."

"Don't... don't waste... y... your time... B... Brian. It won't work."

My smile gets bigger at his tone. He sounds like a kid that doesn't want to go to sleep even when his eyes are almost closed.

"It's not wasting my time Sunshine." I've suddenly realized that I'm far from ready to let him go. No matter what, this has to work. "Now, I'm going to go to the Loft and drink alone. Then I will take a shower where I will surely jerk off thinking about your lips, your body, your perfect tight ass and that smile that I love to see on your face. Then I will go to bed where I will probably dream of you. Tomorrow, I will see you at work and then I will come here in the evening. Sooner or later, you will have to relent and be back where you're supposed to be. With me."

I turn my back to his door and before he can have time to think about what I said and tell me anything, I pick up my coat and leave his apartment. He will be mine again and this time I won't fuck up!


	12. Trouble is a Friend

**The New Bus Boy – Chapter 12 – Trouble is a Friend**

_Trouble will find you no matter where you go. You fight for a while but you start to lose control. Now, trouble is a friend of mine. _

**Dean's P.O.V.**

Right as I'm about to push inside the first trick of the night, I feel my cellphone start vibrating in the pocket of my jeans. I briefly think about letting it roll to the voice mail, but something inside me tells me to answer.

"Sorry, it will only take a minute," I tell the blond boy in front of me. I take my phone out and flip it open. "What?" I ask irritated.

"Dean, it's me." Oh...

I cover the speaker with my hand and look at my trick. "Sorry, we'll do this another time." He starts to tell me all sorts of things, but I ignore him, quickly pulling up my jeans and turning to leave. I wait to get out of the club before putting the phone back up to my ear. "What happened this time?"

I hear him sigh. "I was wondering if maybe I could come over for a couple of days."

This actually takes me by surprise because seriously, since he started (dare I say it?) dating Brian, it's been like they're one inseparable item. And now he wants to come all the way over here?

I quickly walk over to my car. "What happened, Baby?" I ask again.

"We had a fight and I told him I never wanted to see him again and…" I roll my eyes sighing. How in the hell can he think that I'm actually comfortable at playing the couple-therapist when it's the man I'm in love with we're talking about?

"Jus, listen, I'm..."

"I have to get away from here," he cuts me off.

I sigh again. "You can't."

"Why?"

"Because you have to go to work and because I don't want you here. I can't see you moping around because Brian Kinney played the asshole with you. Damn, you knew how he was when you accepted to be with him!" I can feel myself starting to lose patience. I know that I'm his best friend and that I should be there for him no matter what but... did I mention that I'm in love with him?

"You told me to give him a chance!" Justin tells me angrily. Fucking fabulous! Now we're going to fight because of Kinney. I close my eyes for an instant picturing what my best friend looked like when he broke up with Seth and I shake my head. How is it even possible for him to find all the bad guys? All the wrong ones?

"Coming here, what could possibly change? You can't run away from him because you work with him and he knows where you live. Plus, you can't just pack up your things and leave like you did with Seth. You really need to start facing things and stop running away from them." Wow. I don't even know where all this wisdom comes from. And anyway, he can't come here right now. Not when _he_ is looking for him.

I hear him taking a deep breath. At least he's calming down. "Do you think I have some problems?"

I frown. "What do you mean?"

"Every guy I like is an asshole with me."

A small smile creeps on my face. He could have just fucking said yes to me if he wanted something simple. "It's 'coz you like the typical bastard man. Just like about 80% of women." I'm actually able to pull a laugh out of him this time. Good. "Now, why don't you tell me what happened?"

Justin sighs. "He went away on a business trip and fucked the assistant of the man he wanted as a client in order to get to him. And before I knew about that, I found out that he's been fucking most of his clients to get the accounts."

"Ok, so he's a bit of a slut," I joke. Seriously, didn't he know that? "But Jus, remember? That was the reason or at least one of the reasons why you didn't want to be with him in the first place. You got over that. Plus, I'm sure that he has never promised you anything."

"He..."

"He's a lot like me. And I'd never make a promise I'm not sure to keep. Just let some time pass and then listen to him." If there is a prize for the greatest best friend in the whole world, they have to give it to me.

We spend several minutes in silence. I know he needs time, but I'm about to explode. Did he forget that just a few months ago I told him that I loved him? This time, I'd like to be egoistic enough to prevent myself from being hurt.

"Dean?" his voice comes out as a soft whisper. He sounds like the eighteen-year-old boy I met years ago.

I lean my head over the steering wheel and sigh. "Tell me Baby."

"You know you're the best right?" I can hear the smile in his voice as he says it and I can't help but smile back in the darkness of my Camaro.

"Yeah I know."

"Thank you. I was packing a light bag to come over to you for the next week. You probably just saved my job as well as myself."

I clear my throat. "Hey, what is a best friend for if not to pick up the pieces and put them back together?"

"I really miss you." Why does he have to keep doing this to myself?

"Justin...I..."

"I'm an asshole I know. I shouldn't talk about Brian with you, but, as pathetic as it may sound, you're still my only true friend. My best friend."

Maybe I should tell him now about Seth or maybe it will only make things worst. "Don't think about it," I try to say lightly.

I'm stopped from saying anything else to him when I hear a knock on the car window. I look up from the steering wheel to see whom else but _him_?

"Listen Jus, I have to go now. I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?"

He takes a deep breath. "Ok, Dean and thank you."

I shake my head even if he can't see me. "Not a problem."

"I love you," I hear him whispering quietly before the line goes dead. Great...right what I needed now.

I roll down the window and look sternly at the man standing in front of me. "What the fuck do you want, Seth?" I try to muster up my best pissed off-face and voice. I just can't stand this situation anymore.

Justin left and went to glorious Pittsburgh and now I'm back here alone, having to face what he left behind him.

Seth puts his hands in the back pockets of his jeans and looks straight into my eyes. "I need to talk to you, Dean."

**Justin's P.O.V.**

As soon as I put down my phone, I throw myself down on the sofa sighing. I'd like to sink into a hole and never come out of it. I don't even understand why in the hell I was so angry with Brian last night. I knew him. I knew what to expect from him since the beginning but I... I guess I just wanted to expect something better from him.

I feel so stupid and childish for the way I acted with Brian. Maybe I was even right to be pissed off, but the point is that I was angry for a stupid reason. It wasn't the fact that he fucked someone else even if I thought that that was the problem at the beginning, but – God I feel stupid just thinking about it – it was because he fucked that guy on a copy machine. How ridiculous am I?

I tilt my head in the direction of the kitchen. This morning, when I opened the fridge in search of something for breakfast, I found the bottle of champagne that he had bought yesterday. Seeing it there made me feel even worse. The first time the words '_your partner_' leave his mouth, and I'm stupidly angry about a fuck that he will never even see again for the rest of his life... or at least until he has to go back to Chicago or Leo Brown comes here.

I get up from the sofa and walk inside the kitchen. I open the fridge and take out the bottle of champagne putting it on the counter. I stare at it as if it's a big bad enemy I have to take down. Seriously, I couldn't be more pathetic...

I hear the phone ringing from the other room and sigh. As I walk inside the living room and pick up the receiver, I tell myself that _I'm not wishing it's him_, but when I say "Hello?" And a male voice tells me, "Good morning, Sir. I'm Benjamin and I'm calling..." I can't help but feel absolutely and pathetically disappointed.

I hang up without saying anything else and go back to staring at the enemy-bottle, wishing I was strong enough to call Brian and tell him that it doesn't matter if he fucks half or the whole Pennsylvania as long as he comes back in the end. Because I don't really care about that, not anymore...

No, my fear is that one day, he will look across the dance floor, lock his gaze with a man and forget all about me.

**Brian's P.O.V.**

My finger is lazily tracing the edges of the almost empty glass of whiskey standing in front of me.

The green light of the pub is probably making me look like an alien and I don't even know where in the hell I am. I got in the car and told myself that I didn't want to go where one of my friends could find me because I have to think. Oh yes! I need a fucking plan to get Justin back.

I straighten my back and gulp down what's left of my drink. Then I throw a couple of bills on the table and stand up leaving that for-shit place. It's not drinking myself into stupor that will convince Sunshine that I'm worth a second chance.

When I go out on the street, the cold air hits me in the face sobering me up, not that I'm already drunk, but...we could say that it makes me more lucid.

I could go ask Ben and Michael for advice... hmmm... Zen Ben will probably tell me some stupid old saying and Mikey...well...

If I go to talk with Emmett or Ted, I'll be trapped in a mix between a Barbara Streisand movie and a tragic opera.

That leaves Debbie. Deb will probably tell me that I'm an asshole and that I need to grow up and that I have to do something or I will lose Justin for good, but then she will tell me something that will surely help me. Some motherly way to insult me while making me see reason.

Yep. Let's go to Deb's.

**Dean's P.O.V.**

I step out of the car and look at Seth. He's just a couple of inches taller than me. I could easily take him down given the chance. I wanted to hit him when we found out about what he was doing behind Justin's back, but he expertly talked me out of it. Now that it's just dear old Seth and me. I could finally even up the score. I raise an eyebrow and stare straight into his grayish eyes.

"What could we possibly have to talk about, Seth?" He looks away and looks nervous. Good.

"I saw you leaving the club and…"

"Get to the point," I tell him crossing my arms.

"It was him on the phone?"

I frown. "I told you already to leave him alone. What the fuck do you want from him now? A second chance? To say you're sorry? Well, too damn late man!"

Seth takes a step towards me, but I don't back down. We've never really been great friends since he was with Justin and I had a crush on Justin and plus, he knew that every time they had problems Jus came to me...well, for comfort...so we never had the real chance to be friends. Too much resentment towards the other.

But now that I look closely at him – no matter if for the last years he's been looking at me like he was ready to punch me or throw me off the window – I can see that he just seems lost. He reminds me of Jus when they broke up.

"I know that you're his best friend and would never betray him, Dean," he says with another step forward. "But I really need to talk to him. Please, don't think that I just want to beg him to come back, because it's not that." He shoves a hand in his short-dark-rebel hair and sighs. "At least, it's not _just _that."

I search for his eyes and what I see there, it's true sorrow. Shit... I almost feel sorry for the moron.

"Look, if a year ago you were saying these things, it would have mattered, but right now," I shake my head, "it doesn't. But..." I just hope that what I'm about to say will help Justin out.

I'm not totally sure that I'm taking the right choice, but when Justin left, no matter how many times he said that it was over, I knew that he was in some ways still hung-up on Seth and he needs to leave all this behind. For good this time. That's what I decided during the last two weeks when Seth has practically been stalking me.

"But?" now he has stopped sounding desperate, but just sounds kind of hopeful.

"But now that he has someone, it's right for him to tie up all loose ends." If there's one thing I want, it's for him to understand that going to Pittsburgh and talking with Justin is not a door that is starting to open for him to step in, but one that has to be closed. "So I will give you his address, hoping that he won't kill me later. It's a bad time right now, but sometimes you really need to be down to see what's best for you."

The little flame of hope that was starting to burn in the deep of his eyes is gradually fading away. Good, this means that he's starting to get it.

"Ok," he quietly whispers and it's strange to hear him using this soft tone because he's always been so confident, at least around us. Because he's older and all that crap.

I open the car door and take out a pen and a piece of paper. I scribble down Justin's address and hand it to Seth. "Don't call him to make an appointment because he will run away. Just go to his home and knock on the door."

He smiles at me for the first time ever with sincerity. "Thank you, Dean."

I shrug. "I'm not giving you the key to get back to him."

"I know," Seth nods and turns away. "I just need to tell him that he was right about leaving and that I'm sorry. Just this and see if one day we could get past all that."

I don't reply to that and I don't really think he expects me to. He just starts to walk away and I watch him go.

**Justin's P.O.V.**

So today was Monday, I should have gone back at work because seriously, I'm an adult and it's been a week since me and Brian broke up. He wasn't in all week, but today he was gonna come back so that meant I'd have to face him. Not so ready for that.

Therefore, I spent the day closed up in my apartment. I called the agency and said that I wasn't feeling too good and I needed to take one day off. They bought it and so here I am, laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling as if it holds the answer to all my problems.

When I was firm in my decision of staying away from Brian, I knew that part of the reason was because I already knew that things with him would have never been easy. I guess it's true after all, that we all have a masochist side in ourselves. Otherwise, who would be so stupid to actually fall in love?

I chose Seth because it wasn't something easy. He was someone that held in him everything my parents hated, from the fact that he didn't keep his hair manly and short, up to the fact that he was a successful gay man.

I remember when I met him. I was scared shitless that something bad was going to happen to me once I'd decide that I didn't give a crap if people were going to accept that I was gay or not, but that changed in the matter of a seconds.

I looked up, our eyes met and so teen-drama like, it was done. I was in love with him and I was determined in my choice and I wasn't letting anything or anyone stand in my way.

Not his friends that found me adorable and pathetic at the same time, the fact that Seth, the big successful man, wasn't able to push away a kid; nor my parents that told me more than once that at the first occasion I'd let them down, they were done with me.

Now I wonder what sense all that fighting at home, leaving my city and all that drama, makes. Because I'm alone, in Pittsburgh, acting like some pathetic loser crying over himself.

It takes me a while to finally realize that my doorbell is ringing. I close my eyes tight, wishing whoever is it would just go away because somehow I know that it's not Brian.

He said that he wasn't letting whatever is it that I am to him go and even if I don't actually believe that he's going to chase after me all over again, I know that if that was the case, he'd do it when he'd be absolutely sure to win.

And it's just too soon for that. I mean, ok, I love him, I guess, and I want him back, but I also know that for some stupid pride, I won't tell him yes right now and I'm sure he knows that too.

I hear a loud knock signaling that whoever is it at the door isn't going away so I finally get up from the bed. Walking in front of the mirror makes me stop for a second to take a look at myself. I don't have the typical _I've-just-been-dumped _look, so I guess I look good enough to face whoever is knocking.

I walk over to the door and open it, ready to find my landlord on the other side or a seller, but it's just the guy for whom I left my last home a few months ago. Great, isn't it?


	13. Last Night on Earth

_With every breath that I am worth here on Earth, I'm sending all my love to you. So if you dare to second guess, you can rest assured that all my love's for you..._

**Justin's P.O.V.**

I look up from my coffee and fix my gaze on Seth. He keeps fidgeting on the sleeve of his jacket and I sigh annoyed.

"You still have to tell me what you are doing here." Having him now in front of me is strange. I always thought that even though we didn't part on the best of terms, I'd feel something seeing him again; I mean, we've been together for years and I really think I am supposed to feel some sort of emotion. But as I sit here, staring at him and still finding him absolutely gorgeous, all I want to do is get up and leave and go find Brian.

I know that he's the one that made a mistake but after a week, I finally understood that he's been coming after me since the beginning and maybe it's time I do the same.

When I hear Seth clearing his throat nervously, I stop thinking about Brian and just focus on the man sat in front of me.

"Dean told me where you were."

I nod. "I guessed that much."

"And I wanted to see for myself if it was true," he trails off and shoves a hand in his hair. He looks frustrated and I can't help but smirk. He always thought to be so in control of his emotion, like I couldn't say we were serious until he wanted it to be serious, I couldn't hold his hand in public if he wasn't ok with that, I couldn't move the toothbrush if he had something to say against it and I couldn't say I loved him, until he said it first. He always feared I was going to change him, to try to dictate him.

I really wonder now, what I saw in him. Frowning, I realize that maybe at the end we were with each other out of habit; like we were supposed to be together because he took me away from my home and I was supposed to be with him because I left everything I had ever known to follow him.

"…because he said that you were and I couldn't believe him."

Shit, I got distracted again. "What?"

Seth huffs annoyed and I arc an eyebrow. Exactly, who does he think he is?

"I said that Dean told me you had moved on but I wanted to see it myself. So I came here because I couldn't believe him since he always hated me."

"That's because you were a cheating bastard and he was my best friend."

"Whom you fucked in between our breaks," he replies with a hint of anger in his voice.

"Look, Seth," I lean forward on the table, "I did move on from you, right after I left you," I stop myself and divert my gaze. "Well, maybe not right away because fuck, I've spent almost half of my life with you, but eventually I did move on from you."

"Jus, Babe, it's been a year, I'm sure that we can…"

"Can what, Seth?" I ask starting to feel angry too. "Just pick from where we left off? That would be a big no, thank you and don't ever call me Babe again." I take a deep breath in order to calm me down because last thing I want is to make a scene. "Now, I'm sure Dean sent you for a reason and I think I know what that is. He's always been my best friend and no matter what, he will always be because he's the one thing I'm certain of in my life and that's not going to change."

"Then why do you think he sent your ex right to you?" he asks smirking and I have to restrain myself from hitting him.

"Because he wanted me to face my past, just for once and then move on. I already started doing it when I went to my father's funeral and stood up to my mother." His eyes widen for a moment and I sigh again. "Yeah the bastard is dead."

"I guess I should say I'm sorry but I don't really think I am." He smiles and I chuckle. Yep, if there's someone that has seen everything I went through right from the start, it's him. Dean came later whilst Seth was there with me when my world came crushing down.

"I'm not either now. He should have made the effort to accept me since I was his son…"

"But he didn't, so I say fuck him, even though he's dead and you aren't supposed to speak ill of the dead."

"I remember when you first told me to tell him to fuck off," I shake my head because I know I should just say what I want to say and then leave. But letting completely go of the past, was never in me.

When I was in school, I remember that every time I lost a friend, that they stopped talking to me, I still wanted to make sure they were ok; that they were working for their dreams… I'm such a fool.

"Justin, I am sorry, so sorry for how we parted," he sighs and looks right into my eyes and I can see that he's being honest. "And I know saying sorry isn't enough, but that's all I can offer."

"I can forgive you, Seth," I lean just a bit forward taking his hand in mine for moment. "You made me happy for so long and it's so stupid to let how it ended overshadow the good times but I don't know when it started. When did I stop being enough?"

"It wasn't like that, I just… before you came along, I was in a certain way and then I changed myself to be with you and that never works. I wasn't supposed to be the guy you marry or the perfect fit for being a father, but I tried to be that because of you. Love is compromise. Whoever says that you can be in a relationship and never change anything about yourself is a fool that will spend his life alone. Now I know that, but a year ago I didn't. I still believed that I needed to pretend to be what you wanted or you wouldn't have been happy. All the fights we had," he sighs and takes away his hand from mine to rub his eyes before focusing back on me. "They were because I was pretending to like who I was when I was with you and I was trying too hard not to let it show. And it's absurd because I know you'd accepted me as I truly am and with time I'd become the man I was supposed to become, but I skipped forward and it didn't work out in the end."

"So we just weren't right for each other?" I laugh humorlessly. "It's that simple? You don't like who you are when you're with me, someone I'd never ask you to be, and you cheat on me?"

"It never happened before your friend died, I swear." He looks straight into my eyes. "I know it doesn't mean anything now because you'll never trust me again, but it's true. After he died you became distant, always hanging with Dean, going everyday to the cemetery and…"

"My best friend had just died," I hiss.

"I know," he gulps and diverts his gaze. "I know," he repeats, "and I should have been there for you, but I wasn't and you weren't and…"

"You looked someplace else to fulfill your needs?" I ask in disbelief and really, I shouldn't be so naïve at this point.

"Yes." It's the truth, finally the truth.

So we broke up because I turned him into something he wasn't ready to be, because I was devastated from by best friend's death and because in the end, we really weren't right for each other.

I shake my head and look at him. I'm not sure why, but I can feel myself starting to smile. "We're being honest with each other for the first time in a long time."

Seth nods and chuckles. "I came here to win you back, to make sure it wasn't true that you've moved on and drag you back to Seattle. I was a fool, wasn't I?"

"Dean wanted to make me face my past and maybe to help you see that it's time to let go."

"Because you did?"

I study him, his eyes, his expression, the way his brown hair frames his beautiful face, his lips are set in a tight line and how the barely visible beard on his cheek and chin makes him look a little older than he truly is.

Maybe if I hadn't met Brian I'd go back with him, but I don't like to think I'd be so weak.

"I did," I say, slowly, clearly, absolutely sure…

"Guess I'll have to." He laughs. "It's going to be hard though."

"It's been a year."

"That I spent looking for you all around Seattle," he shakes his head. "I'm such a fool."

"We both were." I extend my hand towards his face and trace the line of his cheekbones. "But it was great…"

"While it lasted?" He puts his hand on mine smiling. "Please, let's leave the cheap clichés out of this, will you?"

"Seth I…" I sigh and I can feel my eyes watering up because I'm letting go of such an important part of my past and it'd be so safe to just go back than move forward.

"Please, don't apologize." He clears his throat nervously, "I guess I should let you go back home or to your boyfriend's…"

"We're on a break right now."

Seth arcs an eyebrow. "Please, don't do this all over again, ok? The breaks we had got us nowhere, so please, fix things with him."

"This is your 'I'm-the-boyfriend-I-know-better' advice?"

He laughs, "I guess." He gets up and throws some bills on the table and then points towards the door. "Shall I walk you home?"

"There's no need," I said getting up and following him over to the door. When we're standing on the street I reach up and bring his mouth down for a brief kiss. I feel his arms coming around my waist and I step back. "I really loved you."

He nods. "I loved you too."

It's just another smile and a wave of the hand, the parting way in which I say good-bye to my past.

I walk up to my building and take the lift up to my floor but when I step outside, I freeze.

Brian is standing against my door with his arms crossed over his chest. "Mrs. Lockwood let me in," he says by way of greeting and I nod before walking over to the door just as Brian steps aside. I let us in and sigh before turning around to look at him.

He closes the door behind him before crossing his arms again.

I look at Brian waiting for him to say anything but when he doesn't start talking, I sigh. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to talk but it was a stupid thing and..." He shrugs.

I frown, cutting him off. "What was stupid?"

He walks over to the couch and sits down. "I saw you."

"Saw me?"

"With that jerk... fucking Seth..." He looks angry and about ready to throw something into the wall. I bite down on my lower lip and stare at him in silence. He finally looks at me and I can see that despite all the bullshit he'd like to make people believe, he's vulnerable. "I saw you two..."

"You saw us do what?" I ask him walking over to the couch and sitting down on the coffee table so I'm able to look straight into his eyes. "You saw me crossing the street to the Café on the other side of the street with him and you saw us talking. Then, presuming that you stayed long enough and not just took off, you saw me getting up and leaving, alone." I stress the word alone hoping to get him to grab the meaning of what I'm telling him.

"I saw you kissing him from the window in the staircase."

I could almost swear to see him blush for an instant admitting that. "You saw me cutting the end loose Brian, because that's all I was doing..." This time it's me who divert his gaze. "Just saying good-bye."

"God I'm pathetic," he whispers.

"No you're not," I tell him shaking my head and looking up in his face. "I am the pathetic one. I was jealous of a one night stand. Of a guy you won't ever see again probably, well, aside from when you will be going to Chicago to discuss business with Leo or he comes here. You were jealous of someone whom I've lived with. That's different."

We look into each other's eyes for several seconds and then he finally smiles. "I'm sorry," it's said in nothing more than a whisper. "The things I told Cynthia..."

"Don't need to apologize." I get up and walk over to the window. Soon, I feel him sighing and standing up and a second later, his arms are around my waist. "We decided to take things slowly and you were right. You never promised anything and I shouldn't have got so angry over nothing."

"You have the right to feel hurt. I didn't think. I didn't imagine that you would have been hurt hearing the rumors at work or finding out just how fucking much of a slut I am... So yeah, I need to apologize."

I stare at the city's landscape for a moment before sighing and looking down at his hands crossed on my belly. "Guess we were right saying that we're fucked up," I tell him quietly and I feel him chuckle before leaving a kiss against my temple. He puts his chin down on my shoulder and I entwine our hands together.

"Yeah, but if we weren't we wouldn't have fun."

I gave a humorless laugh. "Fun?"

"Yes. See, now that we have fought, we can have our own very first make-up session and that's going to be fun."

I shake my head slightly. "At least you can see the positive side."

"One of us has to. So," he turns me around and leaves a brief kiss on my lips. "What are we gonna do now?"

I arch an eyebrow. "About what?"

"Are you ok with how things were going?"

"Brian..." I pull out of his arms and sigh. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"Just the truth," he says shrugging before going again to sit down on the couch. "We've been together for seven months right?"

"I guess... give or take..."

He smirks. "Are you telling me that you haven't marked the date on the calendar or in your diary with little red hearts all around?"

I laugh. "Asshole."

His grin becomes a smile and soon a laugh. He extends his hand. "Come here," his voice is husky and I can feel myself starting to forget about our conversation.

I walk over to him and straddle his lap. He locks his arms around my waist and I kiss him briefly. "What are you getting at?" I ask sliding my arms around his neck.

"That we took it slowly enough. If you have any request, then go ahead and be my guest..."

"Brian..."

He searches my eyes for I don't know what and finally, I feel his hand softly caressing my cheek. "I'm serious. What do you want?"

Now I have to choose my words carefully so I won't look like one of those romantic fools that he despites so much but I know that we're ready for this, because we should really stop being so daft. I take a deep breath and divert my gaze. "I don't want you to..."

"I asked you what it is that you want. So just answer the damn question," he looks, or to be more specific, is trying to look like he's annoyed by the whole conversation and I can't help but roll my eyes.

"I was just saying that I won't trap you into something," because I don't really need another Seth, thank you very much. "I can't just say what I want without knowing what you want..."

He huffs. "Bullshit. If I tell you what I want than you're going to change your mind and tell me what you think I want to hear."

I frown. "I said that I was fucked up, but you're paranoid. I promise to tell you the truth."

And once again we're back at staring at each other; once again he's studying attentively my eyes.

Finally, he nods and rolls his lips into his mouth for a moment. "I can't stand to see anyone else's hands on you and I don't give a fuck if people think that I shouldn't be jealous because I'm Brian Kinney and Brian Kinney doesn't do jealous or boyfriends, or relationships or love... I'm sick and tired of being what everyone else expects me to be. You're different. The fact that you were so angry about what happened in Chicago, is the proof that you expect something different from me and I want to be that. For you," the last part, he says it in a whisper and it's so strange to hear him dish out what he feels this way.

"And I hate that no matter what people will always believe that I have to be a certain way because otherwise, I'm being a hypocrite. I just don't give a fuck. I've said this for years but I was living up to other people's expectation and this is twisted! I can say right now and be totally honest doing it, that I don't care what other people think. And as for the time when you're not around..." He trails off for a moment diverting his gaze from mine.

When our eyes lock together again, he looks determinate but in some way, also scared. "I wouldn't particularly mind if you were."

I just stare at me because really, what could you possibly answer to something like this? I can feel him starting to tense up and about to pull all his walls back up so I do the first thing that comes up in my mind and I grab his face between my hands and kiss him softly.

When I pull back, I can almost see a little kid in his eyes. He still looks fucking scared. "Is that your way to tell me that you love me, you want to be with me and only me and that you'd like for us to live together?"

A couple of seconds go by and then he smirks, "'Course not."

I smile at him. A smile so fucking big that my cheeks hurt but I don't give a fuck. "You sure that it's what you really want?"

"Yes." His answer is resolute. "What do you want?"

"All that... all you're willing to give me because I want you, the real you no matter what this person is..."

"You freaked out about that..."

"Because I can't help it if I'm jealous. But you keep showing me that I'm more than that guy... In the last week you've come after me relentlessly and I..." I trail off for a moment and I can feel Brian's hands gripping tightly my hips, like some way of anchoring me to him. "I guess I fell in love with you all over again and God this sounds so corny!" I laugh and he does the same before kissing me.

"What the hell happened to us?" he asks still smiling goofily.

"I guess, somewhere between laughing for no reason, stupid arguments, and making fun of each other, we fell in love with each other."

**The End**

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**A/N**: So, here's the ending my fellows readers. I'd like to thank everyone that has read/commented this story and that stick with it even if sometimes it took me ages to post an update. I hope that you like this ending and if I will have time, I'm going to write some outtakes/oneshots of this "universe".


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